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Esquire's thin January issue (just one feature! Actually, half a feature: part two of a John McCain profile!) has the world's most aggressively infuriating Charles "Chuck" Klosterman column to date. It has such a convincing and thrilling premise—that Klosterman can visually identify which major network a show is on because of subtle changes in color and tone and definition. Oh my God—me too! I think? I swear I can! Wait, can I? No. Because that does not exist, as Chuck then goes on talking about, with the help of some armchair semi-reporting. GRR. To give credit where credit is due, however? A+ for "[I]f you play Explosions in the Sky loud enough, the process of hanging drywall can be a life-altering experience." (Though like he hangs drywall frequently?)