Inside The Dirty Dreary Mindrape Of Paul Janka

For those of you who haven't met him, Biblically or otherwise, last week we introduced you to the greatest Casanova of all time, Paul "Jenkem" Janka. One of our intrepid readers took it upon themselves to begin a textual relationship with him. Something we learned is that Janka plays "Would you rather..." quite well and once did it with a dude. WHAT FOLLOWS ARE WORDS THAT ARE NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Or society.

[13:41] Paul: sex is more exciting if a woman isn't entirely comfortable, i've found

[13:41] Paul: comfortable, gf sex is nice

[13:42] Paul: but it doesn't have that animal battling that occurs

[13:42] Paul: it's an act of domination really

[13:53] Sarah: would you rather never be able to sleep with anyone again but morbidly obese people, or eat a salad where the dressing was your dad's semen

[13:53] Paul: latter

13:54] Sarah: would you rather have your 5th grade science teacher sit and watch you have sex and do a play-by-play commentary, or have your grandmother masturbating in the corner

[13:55] Paul: former

[13:55] Sarah: have you ever had a male-male encounter

[13:55] Sarah: like, had sex with another man

[13:56] Paul: yes, experimented in high school

[13:56] Paul: middle school

[13:57] Sarah: what is the best thing a woman can do in bed

[13:57] Paul: the standard stuff plus

[13:57] Paul: like my ass

[13:57] Paul: deep throat

[13:57] Paul: let me spit in her face

[13:57] Paul: take it in the ass

[13:58] Paul: lick my ass, not like my ass, sorry

[13:58] Paul: would you rather drink a tablespoon of my cum

[13:58] Paul: that's been in the refrig for 2 weeks

[13:59] Paul: or have to blow a team of uncircumsized football players after a particularly sweaty match

[13:59] Sarah: uhh. ew.

[14:00] Sarah: would you go down on heidi klum knowing that her vagina tastes exactly like your dad's penis?

[14:00] Paul: No

[15:39] Paul: so i have a way for you to be a first for me

[15:39] Sarah: oh yea?

[15:39] Paul: it is degrading

[15:39] Paul: are you willing

[15:39] Paul: before you hear the detail

[15:40] Paul: no pain or sicknes

[15:40] Paul: ss

[15:40] Paul: nothing public/ruined reputation

[15:40] Sarah: sure

[15:40] Paul: just something i've always wanted to do

[15:40] Paul: we have to find the right location

[15:40] Paul: though, since my place doesn't work

[15:40] Paul: intrigued?

[15:40] Sarah: of course

[15:41] Paul: blumpkin*

[15:41] Sarah: why cant you do that in your house

[15:41] Paul: bathroom is tight



*Preliminary research indicates that a Blumpkin refers to an act of fellatio while the receiver is sitting on a toilet. It is not immediately apparent if the man must also be in the act of voiding but otherwise, how is it a big deal at all?