You know that old story about how the English and German soldiers sang carols to each other from the trenches on Christmas Eve? Then the next day they went back to killing each other? The Valleywag staff dipped into the eggnog and got all feel-nicey about five people we've picked on all year. Each of them, we decided weepily, taught us something about humanity. And that was before the drinking started. Quick, read it before we wake up with a hell-hangover and delete the whole thing.
What he taught us: The trick to being a total mobster is to do it with charm, like Al Capone. Last time I saw Jason, he called me over to his VIP table and pumped my hand with a big smile that said, I'm your friend and I want everyone to see that, and also, if you ever jump an embargo on me again like that TechCrunch40 list you'll be wearing concrete Pradas, wiseguy.
What we still don't get: Ma-hay-lo or Ma-hah-lo?
What he taught us: Just be yourself! Post whatever comes to your head! If you do this consistently and never try to edit the message, people will ultimately respect you for it. Even if they think it's kind of autistic to follow 6,154 Twitter feeds.
What we still don't get: What Scoble actually gets paid to do.
What she taught us: You can break the glass ceiling and still wear balloons on your head.
What we still don't get: Was she serious about "looking for random play" on Facebook? We sure hope so, because San Francisco these days is frankly disappointing — less Summer of Love and more Winter of Work.
What he taught us: In between meeting with world leaders and star writers, Mr. Time Management actually emails us to correct inane logic flaws in our posts. His meticulous admonitions have raised the bar on our from-the-hip humor. Now it's from somewhere around the sternum.
What we still don't get: He reads Valleywag?
What he taught us: Rent, don't own in San Francisco. I'm serious.
What we still don't get: If everyone knows that Thiel is gay and it's no big deal as scolds keep telling us, then why is the rest of Sand Hill Road still in the closet? I'd tell you about the drunk millionaire who wanted to get busy with me Saturday night, but I have a career to protect. Plus I'm holding out for dinner at the Four Seasons first.