Do you have a problem? Blogger and author Tionna Tee Smalls might have a solution. There's only one way to find out: By asking! Today, Tionna fields a question from a lady who is "hopelessly in love with a rock star." Oooh.
I am a 22-year-old university student who is in love with a 32-year-old rock star. He is the most respectful, non game-playing, honest man that I have ever been intimate with. Right from the beginning he pushed me to be open and honest with him, which is something that is really hard for me, and I expressed all my fears to him. We have been friends/lovers for about nine months now. Six months ago I expressed my interest in pursuing a relationship with him, however, he was not so eager, for he is trying to break his own relationship patterns.
He has been in three 3-year relationships in a row with not much time in between them. His last relationship ended the previous October and they almost got married. He keeps telling me that we should take it slow, be friends, and see what happens—that there is no reason to rush anything. I am trying to be patient, however, my feelings for him are growing and he still feels the same way. He says he can't be with me now but he also can't say that we will never be in the future. I have tried on numerous occasions to end our friendship, because it is too emotionally difficult sometimes, however, he always convinces me to stick around. I also don't think he wants me to stick around for sex, because he insisted that we stop having sex in August, and work on our friendship. On top of that he has been touring constantly. I just don't know what to think anymore!
-Fucked up Kid
Dear Fucked Up Kid,
I recently went through the same situation. I used to have a crush on this guy who was in a movie about twelve years ago. I liked this guy from that movie so much that I even wrote a letter to all the talk shows. Anyway, through the grace of God, I finally met this actor. He was in fact 12 years older than me, which is a big age difference just like you and this rocker. He had all the same qualities that you mentioned in your letter; he was respectful, honest, and he was just my dream come true. We messed around for a few months or whatever and I started to catch some real feelings so I shared them with him. I think like your man, he appreciated me telling him my true feelings for me but he wasn't ready to settle down and if he was ready, I was just not the girl he wanted to settle down with.
Back in the days, I would have questioned myself and wondered "Was it me?" But I have come to realize that it wasn't me: It was him. He is in his late 30's and he is stuck in his ways. He knew that I loved him from a movie years ago and didn't take me that seriously. I am telling you this story because it is similar to what you are going through.
See it isn't that your rocker guy doesn't like you, it's just you're kind of young and I don't think he takes you that serious. You have to understand that he is wayyyyy older than you (so he's been there and done that) and he knows how to control someone like you. Telling you to take it slow and be patient is a way of making you think that there would be something in store for you in the end, but chances are there isn't. You already been messing with this dude for 9 months and been his fuck-buddy, so, he's thinking, what is the problem?
You says that he insists on keeping you around but think about it, why wouldn't he keep around a pretty young thing like yourself that is ready to bone at his disposal? It took me a few months to know that it wasn't going anywhere. He tried to kick that same bullshit about us not having sex. The funny thing is a week later, he was back trying to get in my drawers so don't fall for that G (meaning game). I just think you should remain friends with this guy, don't give up the panties, and see where it goes because the more you bone him, the more your feelings will grow and you don't want to be left with a wet ass and some Chinese food (as my father likes to say). I hope this works out for you.