Sad Riots: Shred The Pain Away At Times Square

sad riots, 2007, new year's, times square, trash

Shred The Pain Away At Times Square

The Time Square Business Alliance invites all New Yorkers to their hellish playground tomorrow to destroy their baggage, in the both-literal-and-figurative Darjeeling Limited sense. It's "Good Riddance Day," you see, and they've got shredders and garbage trucks at the ready. Show up with old love letters, bounced rent checks, the Bill of Rights, the only documents that prove your arch-nemesis' innocence—anything you need to forget about this terrible year we've all just muddled through. Then they'll shred it and cart it off to Staten Island, the spiritual and physical home of spiritual and physical refuse. You only have an hour, though! Get there before 1 p.m. or else you'll be stuck with that marriage license for another year! Not since the Comiskey Park Disco Demolition Riot of 1979 has there been such a cosmically confused and comically wasteful response to our shared spiritual bankruptcy!

Good Riddance Day [Times Square Alliance]

3:00 PM on Thu Dec 27 2007
By Pareene
575 views
15 comments

Comments

nutmeg at 03:07 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*

I prefer to dispose of all my unwanted documents via Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles villains.
TheBigDoggy at 03:08 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*

I'm saving all my paper for the ticker tape parade we're going to throw after Isiah Thomas gets shit-canned.
FracturedAcetabulum at 03:08 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 209

Can I bring my "Disco Duck" record?
Colonel Mustard at 03:09 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 301

Good thing they're doing this. Last year I had them shred my recycle bin and everything's gotten really backed up.
Clarence Rosario at 03:14 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 228

Can I bring cheese? Because I've got a shitload of quesadillas to make this weekend.
HeyThereKiller at 03:16 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*

Sk8rbois and Green Day fans are going to be quite upset when they show up...
Michael Jahn at 03:19 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 142

can we shred everything built in Times Square in the past decade and bring back filth and decay?
Nard38 at 03:23 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 320

Please keep the "Times Square Baby" away from the shredders. We've all seen what happens when she gets near a simple breakdancer.
dubiouswonder at 03:29 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*

i wonder if there is still time to rent a wood chipper and invite my ex-husband.
flossy at 03:30 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*

This sounds like an elaborate ruse to rid ourselves of the Naked Cowboy once and for all, a cause I heartily endorse.
Michael Jahn at 03:35 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 142

@flossy: not to mention all those touristas screaming outside the GMA set every morning.
Michael Jahn at 03:36 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 142

@flossy: and Al Roker. Yo Al, you wanna see THIN?
fiveinchtaint at 03:44 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*

A good old fashioned book burning right there in the middle of Times Square? I knew my Republican vote would pay off.
dogisdead at 03:58 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*

Finally! I can rid myself of all those bodies that have been piling up in my closet. You see, I off'ed them Krueger-style, turning them into comic book characters beforehand. No blood, no evidence...TONS of paper cuts, though.
crotchety at 04:23 PM on 12/27/07
Reply by Email
*

What I would like to rid the world of, and permanently, not just for the new year, is back buttons that don't work. Like the one on the Times Square Alliance page.