Shred The Pain Away At Times Square

The Time Square Business Alliance invites all New Yorkers to their hellish playground tomorrow to destroy their baggage, in the both-literal-and-figurative Darjeeling Limited sense. It's "Good Riddance Day," you see, and they've got shredders and garbage trucks at the ready. Show up with old love letters, bounced rent checks, the Bill of Rights, the only documents that prove your arch-nemesis' innocence—anything you need to forget about this terrible year we've all just muddled through. Then they'll shred it and cart it off to Staten Island, the spiritual and physical home of spiritual and physical refuse. You only have an hour, though! Get there before 1 p.m. or else you'll be stuck with that marriage license for another year! Not since the Comiskey Park Disco Demolition Riot of 1979 has there been such a cosmically confused and comically wasteful response to our shared spiritual bankruptcy!

Good Riddance Day [Times Square Alliance]