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Wonderful news everyone! In a Super! Duper! People! Alba! Shotgun! Wedding! Exclusive!, the subject of many a pubescent male self-love fantasy has been proposed to by Cash Warren, the man responsible for the expanding baby-bump soon to be defiantly bared on the cover of a fashion glossy. Finally, with Alba officially off the market, casting agents and directors will be able to consider her for the kinds of meaty roles she's long craved, only to see herself passed over for dowdier, less available actresses. [People]