Blue States Lose is a much-needed weekly investigation into the trends and mores of the young. Going where the cool-hunters are too afeared to tread, via the party pictures on Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, and Nicky Digital, our pal Alex Blagg teaches us about what the young have become while we were busy doing nothing.
10.The Cobrasnake. Holiday Crutches photo #8283: On most people, that t-shirt would be ironic.
9.The Cobrasnake. Christmas Pash photo #7946: Someone might want to break the bad news to these girls that Santa and the Elves can't wrap up attention and put it under their trees.
8. Last Night's Party. Le Baron photo #0078: Sometimes, when I'm doing this job every week, I see pictures of people like this guy, and a little voice in my heart whispers, "I wish we could be best friends forever."
7. The Cobrasnake. Christmas Pash photo #7833: Yeah he looks like a greeting card from 5 years ago in Hipsterville, but you've got to admit, it's pretty adorable when college freshmen first discover The Strokes.
6. Nicky Digital. Loose @ Vine Bar photo #69878: "Chill" indeed.
5. The Cobrasnake. Holiday Crutches photo #8343: "Brooo, those 3-D glasses are SO rad. When you, like, look in the mirror, do you actually see not one, but THREE dicknoses?"
4. Last Night's Party. Le Baron photo #1490: This is why hipster fashion ambiguity must be stopped. Sure, sometimes it's all fun and games with the ironic shirts and wacky 80's sunglasses, but before you know it, you've got a terrifying Sex Instructor In A Tiger Hat on your hands, and people really start to get hurt (raped).
3. The Cobrasnake. Greater Then photo #0106: I'm not a violent guy, and I know this chick is just screwing around, but I secretly like to fantasize that she was warbling some shitty Joanna Newsom rip-off acoustic poem and someone finally just came up and punched her in the face.
2. The Cobrasnake. Christmas Pash photo #7880: I think this guy's stylist must be a colorblind ex-raver who ecstasied himself into non-functioning retardation.
1. The Cobrasnake. Holiday Crutches photo #8385: Jesus Christ, scary sequined nightmare Santa vest. It's fucking Christmas, would you please just knock it off?