It's Getting So Openly Gay Insectoid Stand-Ups Can't Even Retain Their Identities Anymore

Comic Ant, best known from his failed grab at the Last Comic Standing crown and hosting that show where porked-out C-listers stand on a giant scale in an effort to shed their poundage while retaining their dignity, is the victim of check fraud: An identity thief, likely affecting a piercing voice, has nicked ninety Gs from the jester's coffers:

TMZ caught the comedian leaving his apartment last night, where he confirmed he was the victim of identity theft by someone who found out his account number. TMZ has learned that the perpetrator then went on a six-day shopping spree, spending more than $12,000 in a day at Neiman Marcus alone! Just like an Olsen!

Ant's loss is Ant's act's gain: he's workshopping a side-splitting bit about the whole fiasco, and an audience member from last night's show at the Comedy Store just sent us this fantastic account*:

* [Ed. note: Fantastic account emerged from one of our guest editor's vividly creative multiple personality disorder personas, and actually never occurred at all.]

Hey guys! I got near-blackout drunk at the Saddle Ranch last night and thought capping our evening at the Comedy Store would be a great way for me and my sorority sisters (go Gamma!) to spend 45 dollars. The level of comedy on display at this institution was top-tier. So funny and incisive and witty! (I discovered an awesome new comic - his catchphrase is "Get raped, slut!" Ha! I think his name is David Taylor.) Well, after Pauly Shore did an unexpected drop-in set that lasted an hour and five minutes (he was really stoned and had trouble putting all of our numbers in his cell phone), I thought the night couldn't get any better. I had seen four great comedians in five hours. And that's when the host (soooo funny, he did this great crowd work where he kept telling all the black audience members to "fuck off back to Compton" in a Chinese voice) announced that they had a "special drop in guest." Of course I crossed my fingers and hoped it was Dane Cook (I want to confront that asshole about stealing a story I told him in bed), but it was ANT! Lemme repeat: ANT! The comic who used the same joke in his Last Comic Standing audition two years in a row! Yes, that Ant! He strode to the stage with the confidence and gait of Michelle Kwan. Applause thundered. He dodged a beer bottle thrown at his head (like I said, the host was funny but mean) and launched into this bit about finding out that someone had stolen a bunch of his money and how he cried and cried and we laughed and laughed and the punchline was something like, "Dear God, why did I put my account number in my Manhunt profile?!!" Right about then I passed out on face-down on the floor. When I came to, every male employee of the Comedy Story was standing over me offering me a ride home. I went with Bobby Lee (I am a Mad TV FANATIC) and laughed all the way back to his condo thinking about Ant's inspired take and unique comedic voice. Oh, and here's a tip for Privacy Watch: I saw Eddie Griffin! He was beating Ant to death in the parking lot.