Gawker
We've all heard about "2 girls 1 cup," and a shocking amount of us have actually watched it. But for those who want to preserve their dignity while still pretending they watched this filth, here are spoilers for the Internet's top gross-outs. Under no circumstances do I recommend you actually view these videos, no matter how many other people do.
Goatse (see it here)
Used to be considered gross; now it's the Heinz Mild Ketchup of gross-outs.
In the grainy photo originally hosted at Goatse.cx, a man spreads his dilated anus to expose his rectum. The funny thing is, he's wearing a wedding ring.
Lemon Party (see it here)
Meh.
Three old men suck each other off. Run-of-the-mill porn, really.
Tubgirl (see it here)
Am I the only one who still can't stomach this?
A girl squirts orange liquid from her anus all over herself.
WARNING: The videos described below are breathtakingly hideous. To the squeamish, suffice to say that they involve women exchanging bodily fluids. The truly curious may read on.
2 girls 1 cup (see it here)
Passed around since October 2007, this is currently the most popular shock video. There are parodies by John Mayer (not funny) and Perez Hilton (grosser than the original, in its way), as well as loads of reaction videos including someone's grandma and Kermit the Frog. VH1's Best Week Ever credited the videos for encouraging moral bankruptcy. The video was made by a Brazilian fetish porn director, whose films are sometimes banned in the US for their obscenity.
Two girls kiss. Then one defecates in a cup. They both lick the feces, which resembles frozen yogurt, then one eats some of it. The girls then vomit into each other's mouths.
4 girls fingerpaint (see it here)
A lesser-known but even more disgusting companion to 2 girls 1 cup.
Four naked girls in typical group-sex stance. One defecates on another's rear. A third girl eats it. The girls then smear the feces onto each other like fingerpaint. One of the girls vomits on the original feces, then vomits into another girl's mouth.
2 girls 1 finger (see it here)
Undoubtedly the most disgusting of the "2 girls" videos, due to the close-up shots of feces. Please, for your own sake, never watch this.
One girl vomits in the other's mouth. The girls play with the vomit. Then one defecates into the other's mouth, and they play with the feces.
Comments
Nick Douglas, do you get paid to browse 4chan.org?
Shark officially jumped.
God, make it stop. Make Nick Douglas stop right now. Who is this person?!?
Oh Lord.
I feel ill.
These sound like the outtakes from "The Aristocrats." I'll take a Pasadena.
When the last regular commenter turns out the lights, please leave a note letting everyone else know where the cool kids hang out now.
Sophomore year of college year I got in trouble for my blog, one of the smaller reasons being I posted a link to Goatse. I yelled at the Dean to look up Goatse on Wikipedia, but he just didn't get it. They ended up telling the newspaper that I was distributing pornography through the school's network. Where was this post to explain it all to him then?
Nick rhymes with Sick.
All I'll say is SWAP.AVI
The sickest one is 13 girls and 4 bowls. 13 girls pour cereal into 4 bowls and they eat it with spoons. Then they clean the bowls and spoons and put them in the dish rack. Then they let them dry. It's crazy.
This is kinda "lowest common denominator"...even for gawker.
And what...you dont have the balls to list the bme pain olympics?
thank GOD gawker has returned to focusing on hard news and not just parroting NYO.
next up, they blow the case wide open on old medical photos of testicular elephantitis that surface on rotten.com. alert n+1.
This list is sorely lacking Meatspin.org (I think it's .org? Haven't been tricked into watching it in quite some time now)
I sense this is Denton's not-so-subtle way of saying, "See, whining commenters? Gawker could actually be a lot worse than it became this week."
@CodePink: You're sick even to talk about stuff like that! Sick, do you hear me?
@GeorgeBabbitt: totes
i guess i'll do my job now.
For the love of God, what is Gawker looking at anymore?
@Furious_George: heh heh. That was JL's rickroll, was it not?
What do Gawker and Bittany Spaers have in common? They have both gone nuts. Whatever drugs you are taking, keep them to yourself. Gross.
Do not click on this link: [www.rosie.com]
@OhWhat'sTheUse: Yeah.
I...yeah.
@Furious_George: True. Meatspin: A trans woman rides a dick. A counter numbers the spins so you know how perverted you are. See it here: [meatspin.com]
You know what you could have done? You could have done three seconds of research and found out how scat porn is actually made (hint: brown food) and made a moderately interesting piece that no one else would have published (Salon, eat your Web 1.0 heart out!) Instead, you did this.
Um. People who want this usually just go to Something Awful. People who want the tame lameness of the internet already go to Fark or Worth 1000. People who want the shitty retarded stuff go to E.D. People who want the faux-intellectual stuff go to Boingboing or Digg. People who want photographs of celebrities go to Jez.
A rebranding and reimaging of a site is all well and good, but what are you becoming? And is somebody else already doing it better? Because this post is pretty weak sauce for a pretty soggy taco.
The new Gawker: taking "servicey" to a whole other level.
Excuse me, I need to wash my eyeballs.
@Nick Douglas: Wow. That is pretty shocking. Who would have thought that trans women had sex, and that they sometimes filmed this sex, and that there was a market for people wanting to see this sex. I, for one, am outraged.
@Nick Douglas: Thank you. I figured it was either .org or .com (duh?), but I was too hesitant to experiment while on company property.
@Pope John Peeps II: Really.
And Nick Denton thought that Ask Tionna was 'not the direction' Gawker wanted to be heading?
@Pope John Peeps II:
QFT (that's "quoted for truth" - just to save a post)
I'm convinced this is all a practical Denton joke. This kind of branding doesn't mesh with the sophistication of the other GM sites. I think we're being played, and if so, well done. It was going to be difficult to keep up the attention of the fan base this week anyway.
@elijahpollack: Gay people do not have sex. They just chastely rub their smooth, plasicky genital areas together like two naked ken dolls, then go fix their hair. Science has proven this.
@MattGaymon: I dunno about brown food on the 2 girls 1 cup series. I've only seen the original, but it very clearly shows the poop coming out of the girl's butthole. It does suspiciously resemble soft-serve yogurt, but in that case, did they stuff a bunch of soft-serve yogurt up her butt prior to the shoot? Or did they find a soft-serve yogurt machine that resembles a photorealistic female ass?
I'm actually intrigued now.
@karion: Yah this doesn't seem real AT ALL. I don't really understand it. I'm not even offended, because it was so obviously thrown together out of such ordinary, four-year old material that I'm not really sure what's happening. I'm more just curiously puzzled.
@Furious_George: no, don't be intruiged! don't give into the post. resist! resist!
@Pope John Peeps II: Trans people do not have to be gay.
@dcd: Well, in fairness, it's not the post that's intriguing me; it's MattGaymon's analysis -- and the ensuing questions that analysis raises -- that I find intriguing.
@CodePink: Well, true. But I simplified to make the joke easier.
@CodePink: The worst part is that they STILL only get 2% of the fiber available in ONE bowl of Super Colon Blow.
@karion: I really hope you're right.
@Furious_George: The creator says it's real, though he's used food in other videos.
@maehrc: The best and most damning comment for this post. Nice one.
@Pope John Peeps II: Really?!? Then I guess I've been doing it wrong. My bad.
@Nick Douglas: See, this is the kind of stuff you should be writing about in your Internet Meme Analysis posts, then. You should take as given that most of us are at least partly familiar with these fads, and instead of simply spelling them out, dig a bit deeper into some of them. I, for one, would have loved to have read a making-of interview with the creator of '2 girls.' Or something like that. Just...I dunno...anything along those lines.
Don't just give us recycled Internet memes; give us new perspectives on those memes.
@CodePink: True dat. It's why I have never understood the reason for GLB and T. Before they are even post-op, they tend to seek out heterosexual relationships.
WHAT. IS. THE. POINT. OF. THIS. POST????????
People, I'm serious. I put periods after every word.
Also, can my real commenter ID (BK_KT) please come back?
@MattGaymon: Or they could also write about WHY these have become popular. To get them started, 2Girls1Cup is more about the reaction videos than the fact that it's absolutely horrid.
@Nick Douglas: Is your avatar is picture of you? You're cute.
That said, my comment sums up the vacuousness of this post.
@Furious_George: Why do people choose the avatars they choose?
Synchronicity, people. Synch-ron-ic-ity. And page views.
Um just reading these descriptions made me ill. Did Gawker get jacked or something? Was I in a coma and this is an elaborate April Fools joke?
@Nick Douglas: More pls? @Furious_George: yes.
i was remarking in an email earlier today that reading gawker this week is like being in the operating room to witness an attractive girlfriend undergoing a cosmetic surgical procedure that she doesn't really need. right now the blood and guts are splayed out all over the operating table and it's just nasty and painful to watch, yet somehow our morbid curiosity won't let us completely look away, much less walk out of the room entirely.
eventually, the wound will be closed and cleaned up and she'll come out of it thinking that she's more attractive to a larger swath of potential suitors, and maybe she actually will be, but is that progress? by going this route she probably sacrifices a lot of her character and a huge portion of her soul, and in doing so she risks alienating those who found her extremely desirable before the surgery.
i'm just saying.
@Kwalshie: He makes a good point.
@htotheomo: Well, right now, Gawker is pretty much like a mid-op trannie that has been anesthetized and can't really decide what needs snipping.
@the cajun boy: Unless that surgery is big fake boobies. In which case, yay!
Wow, Nick Douglas. I'm definitely seeing what Denton sees in you. He really has vision, that one.
Consider this your first review.
@Pope John Peeps II: @DorothyMantooth:
Think about this. Probably the most fragile week in Gawker history - 2.5 editors gone (still not sure if Josh is really here), on the heels of one of the most distinctive editor's departure (Balk). The audience was going to be pissy, no matter what. It was never going to be as good as we knew it.
What do you do to appease the fan base that continues to grow this site? You aren't going to do it in the short term, so why not just piss them off and get them riled? We had, what, five JA posts in a day? Being spoonfed USA-today level analysis of internet culture? To a site affiliated with Valleywag and Gizmodo?
Nope. I'm not buying it or tasting the Kool Aid. If it is what I think it is, it is a damn crafty practical joke and transition strategy. I never bet against the house unless Clooney, Pitt and Damon are involved.