Descriptions of goatse, 2 girls 1 cup, and other gross-outs that hopefully you'll never watch

We've all heard about "2 girls 1 cup," and a shocking amount of us have actually watched it. But for those who want to preserve their dignity while still pretending they watched this filth, here are spoilers for the Internet's top gross-outs. Under no circumstances do I recommend you actually view these videos, no matter how many other people do.

Goatse (see it here)

Used to be considered gross; now it's the Heinz Mild Ketchup of gross-outs.

In the grainy photo originally hosted at Goatse.cx, a man spreads his dilated anus to expose his rectum. The funny thing is, he's wearing a wedding ring.

Lemon Party (see it here)

Meh.

Three old men suck each other off. Run-of-the-mill porn, really.

Tubgirl (see it here)

Am I the only one who still can't stomach this?

A girl squirts orange liquid from her anus all over herself.

WARNING: The videos described below are breathtakingly hideous. To the squeamish, suffice to say that they involve women exchanging bodily fluids. The truly curious may read on.

2 girls 1 cup (see it here)

Passed around since October 2007, this is currently the most popular shock video. There are parodies by John Mayer (not funny) and Perez Hilton (grosser than the original, in its way), as well as loads of reaction videos including someone's grandma and Kermit the Frog. VH1's Best Week Ever credited the videos for encouraging moral bankruptcy. The video was made by a Brazilian fetish porn director, whose films are sometimes banned in the US for their obscenity.

Two girls kiss. Then one defecates in a cup. They both lick the feces, which resembles frozen yogurt, then one eats some of it. The girls then vomit into each other's mouths.

4 girls fingerpaint (see it here)

A lesser-known but even more disgusting companion to 2 girls 1 cup.

Four naked girls in typical group-sex stance. One defecates on another's rear. A third girl eats it. The girls then smear the feces onto each other like fingerpaint. One of the girls vomits on the original feces, then vomits into another girl's mouth.

2 girls 1 finger (see it here)

Undoubtedly the most disgusting of the "2 girls" videos, due to the close-up shots of feces. Please, for your own sake, never watch this.

One girl vomits in the other's mouth. The girls play with the vomit. Then one defecates into the other's mouth, and they play with the feces.