*Sigh

@NICK DOUGLAS: "...is Lynch honestly that horrified that someone might want to watch "Failure to Launch" on the subway?"

better, better...that was almost snarky.

Oh! Is funny because Failure to Launch is terrible movie!

@elijahpollack: yeah! see what he did there? clever guy.

@elijahpollack: hello?
I hear Barbara singing "Where are the commenters? Send in the commenters.."
*sobbing*

@BalknChain: Friday Night Fuckfest has moved to my blog, apparently.

NICK'S FIRST DRAFT:

There's a real danger to watching "Failure to Launch" on your iPhone, though. A big risk.

How big is it? I'll tell you how big the risk is. Just keep reading after the jump; on your internet browser machine. MORE >>

*video of stupid guy*

You might take all $399 and throw it on the sidewalk in disgust. Because "Failure to Launch" was bad! Ha ha! In conclusion, don't listen to this guy in the video!

@elijahpollack: I'll pimp: slcoutsider.blogspot.com. Here's a tip for you Nick: all the kids are saying it's the new Gawker.

@elijahpollack: Haaaaaaaaaaaa: "apparently"

@mathnet: I know, is funny, right?

@BinkysDream: Don't push it, Kid.

I'm with Lynch.

Nicky D, I think you should join LOlcait for that weekend drink.

If David Lynch weren't so damn old, he'd find a way to make the movies-on-the-iPhone medium interesting. But probably it's smarter just to hope they go away. My roommate's mom does say computers are a fad.

Here's the thing: Inland Empire nearly ruined my life. It's, like, forty-seven hours long and it makes NO SENSE. I mean, it's Lynch, and I realize that's a lot like saying I'm pissed off because the sky is blue, but there's artsy nonsense and then there's a Polish circus and humanoid rabbits and a one-legged chick with a monkey and Laura Dern talking to a man with crooked glasses for FORTY-SEVEN HOURS THAT I CAN'T GET BACK.

By which I mean you could watch it projected on a postage stamp and not lose any of its "effect".

@moff: Medium interesting.

GET IT??

All-Time Funniest Display of Hollywood Imbecility: Mary Pickford actually thought that the "Venus De Milo" could be lipsticked.

The only noteworthy thing here is that James Dean's hair is impossibly atop a cranky talking turnip.

@mathnet: Your real-life friends hit you sometimes, don't they?

I will never in a trillion years be able to afford an iPhone so this whole thing is moot? But when a thing is complete, it's complete. It's mine now. I'll watch it with my eyes closed if I want to and don't go thinking you're the boss of me.

@moff: This isn't the first time you've threatened me with hitting and so now I'm telling Karen.

Lynch isn't an early adopter, but he usually adopts (see, for example, his embrace of digital film-making technologies). So, I'd guess he eventually finds some outlet for this initial disgust.

I am, however, trying to reconcile the thought of watching Me, Myself, and Irene on a two-inch screen with the Jean-Pierre Melville interviews I watched last night...

@mothrafairy: I'm not saying I want to? But I don't understand why it couldn't.

@mathnet: Unless you need to go back and do something important like change the guns to walkie talkies, in which case, it's cool, man.

@mathnet: You broads walk into a couple of doors and your first thought is always to lawyer up.

I *am* big. It's the *pictures* that got small

@moff: Don't kid yourself; they're going the way of the pet rock sooner rather than later... we've turned the corner.

And come to think of it, my iPhone was talking smack on David Lynch just yesterday, which leads me to ask just what is going on there? I'm sensing interoffice affair cover-up.

If his movies weren't so fucking confusing, maybe I wouldn't have to put them on my fucking phone to ask others what the fuck it all meant.

I don't see what his problem is. The guy works with dwarfs a lot anyway. That should fit just fine on an IPhone screen.

@SarahHeartburn: Nice!

Well I guess we know who the next nemesis in Bookworm Adventures is going to be.

I've always wanted to watch Eraserhead on an iPhone during family picincs in the sun. The kids would just love the mutant baby.

Commenting here seems to be less about wit, and more about anonymous bullying. But humor is hostility, right?

it's changed. hopefully not irrevocably. @BalknChain:

@BadUncle: HAH!

@BadUncle: It depends on how sharp/ blunt/ dry it is.
Then it's "Ah fuck/ Thud/ Touche!"

@mathnet: I get it, Mr. Murray.

My favorite thing about my IPhone is how it tells the future and grants all my wishes...okay, fine, I'm ACTUALLY talking about my IWizard but I bet I had you all looking through your IPhone for "magic features", didn't it? Didn't I???

@ladlysack: Exactly. He's already embraced the internet and does a lot of short...things (I guess?) for it. I think his argument is more against mixing mediums, than against telephones as a viable distribution platform. It should really be seen in context with the rest of his insane (but wonderful!) talking.

When early cinema existed, it was pure, milk-fed, pink-cheeked, bright-eyed newness. So I can understand where Ms. Pickford, in all her 1930's, Hilton-esque, trust-fund glory, was coming from (considering that trustifarians way back then were somewhat intellectually inclined). But to compare Failure To Launch to anything that might be called "film" is silly, stupid, and irresponsible...especially if the immediate context includes creations of David Lynch. Also, I don't think I could watch any of the following on my ipod on the subway: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Ernest Saves Halloween, Pretty Woman, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, Debbie Does Dallas, or Cheaper By the Dozen (not to mention Twin Peaks). If you watch movies on your iPhone, things in your life need to be improved.

@elijahpollack: Didn't you commit "commenter suicide"?

The only way I could stomach Eraserhead (again) would be on a screen far smaller than the equipped a complete lack of sound. Stupid cornish hens...

insert ipod after than the....going back to bed

Exactly where is this gay mafia headquartered and do they have a website?

Dear David Lynch: I am using my local multiplex to make phone calls. Is this okay with you, asshole?

Colonel Mustard: IE does make sense if you're willing to work at it hard enough. Most people aren't desperate enough to work that hard though, and really why should they be? I can certainly understand why so many people were disappointed in the film, but I continue to see INLAND EMPIRE as Lynch's masterpiece.

First requirement to understanding IE is having a firm toehold in Mulholland Drive, which is certainly possible what with ten clues Lynch provides and countless commentaries on the internet. Salon.com's essay on MD isn't perfect, but it's servicable.

I know. You probably don't want to try to recoup those 47 hours by investing any more hours. I just have a compulsion to help people see the missing pieces that Lynch turns into art.

@PandoraSpocks: I believe the Gay headquarters is a spacious loft in a converted church. They love the irony. And the high ceilings.

@lolcait: You are either an early riser or went on a much needed all night rampage to blow off the steam that built up all week. But your posts are too lucid for the latter, unless you are one of those types who doesn't drink or can just handle the sauce like a champ. Or you don't drink, which is cool. And if that's the case, I'd love to know how you unwind. Because, due to certain new year resolutions (likely only to last until next Friday), I need a new method. Reading and working out just aren't cutting it. And the herbal tea that a friend suggested is just...lame. I'm not that old/into yoga yet.

And I'm disgusted at Lynch's self-indulgent 15-minute short film about him riding around a lake in one of vintage watercraft mumbling pointless shit about "dreams" and "night".

Guess what David: I'm on to your weird-for-weird's sake shtick. And after reading this perhaps I should download whatever I can find of yours off Bittorrent and load it onto my iPod Nano, film it playing on the tiny screen, and then post that film on YouTube. That, my friend, would make far more sense than anything you've done since Blue Velevet.

@gawkimo: Weird-for-weird's sake, indeed. If you have some time, check out this list of 10 bizzare videos, of which Mr. Lynch has two, including apparently his first effort. The other stuff is just as maddening. For me, #2 by Antonin Artaud is the worst - gave me nightmares. I guess there's an audience for everything. I mean, some people enjoy watching others defecate.

@mathnet:

Oh damn--I'm far more stupid than the "stupid" I threw-down on poor, dead Mary Pickford. For some reason i.e. booze compromised brain-cells, I must've had in mind that she wanted to pop some Max Factor on Nike Samothrace (which is headless).

My comment would have made sense had Pickford's line been: "Putting sound in pictures would be like putting handcuffs on the Venus de Milo."

Ghost of Pickford, Hear My Prayer,
Forgive My Head (So Full of Air).
And I would Wager (In a Pinch):
You've Got More Sense than David Lynch.

@mothrafairy: I have those shoes. They don't have a head, either.

@mothrafairy: Well, that's true isn't it. What Pickford made were "SILENT movies". Adding sound to them would have been silly, because that would have made it a different art form.

It's like "adding interpretive dance to this 1920's tap routine would be perfectly fine". While it's true both are "DANCE", they are most definitely not the same art form.

@mothrafairy: I pity you when 150 years from now someone on the Gawker online neuro-link subverso-commenter-farm comments on the pathetic state of our movie making.

"Gawd, can you even imagine movies without full body smell and erotic nervous doppler link? We'd be living in a fucking cave still! And to think Mothrafairy protested when our minds were downloaded directly into the MGM mainframe."

Wow! If You Build It, They Will Come!

So now that Mr. Denton is in charge, and posting on Saturdays, then everyone chimes in?

Well, works for me, what with my alternative schedule (writing in the middle of the night, and such, long after most of you peeps have gone home).

Unfortunately, I have little to say about David Lynch, except: contrary to most opinion, I think he's someone that needs to be managed. When he has the creative soapbox to himself, it's too much. And yes -- I slept through "Inland Empire". A true occasion to use the "WTF?" acronym...

But then, I really am fond of "Dune", so grains of salt are appropriate?

Oh David Lynch and Steven Spielberg, you've convinced me to turn an entire wall of my living room into a theater, complete with reel projection and everything. Now what to do about getting in some obnoxious jerks and kids during inappropriate movies?