Gawker
Yesterday's ten minutes of Tom Cruise madness? Tip of the proverbial iceberg, SPs. The entire hour-long video, as the boss pointed out, has been passing between journos and Scientology critics for a while now. And someone sent us the whole director's cut. Attached, a couple clips from the ceremony honoring Tom Cruise's official Freedom Medal Of Valor (for Achievement in the Field of Excellence). Tom Cruise, as you'll see, destroyed the field of psychiatry itself, fought government oppression, and spread incomprehensible jargon across the entire world. Go ahead and cancel the Oscars, we'll happily watch this.
Yesterday's "If a Scientologist is a street sweeper, it is his responsibility to apply Scientology to his zone, and whoever he may interact with, and no, it's not an option," Scientology head David Miscavige explains. "When you stepped on the path and had your first cognition, you also stepped on the path to carry it forth."
"Every move translates to countless impressions," the movie trailer voice-over guy insists in his Tom Cruise intro. Did you know that every time you catch a minute of Mission Impossible on basic cable, you are being indoctrinated? It's true! Or at least the Church of Scientology rather wishes it was true.
You needn't watch all of the attached clips, but each one contains its own brilliant mixture of nonsensical jargon and discomfiting examples of the reach, power, and money of these legitimized Raelians.
Tom Cruise rescued America after 9/11. He saved all the firefighters with 9/11 cough! And he didn't ask permission.
Tom Cruise rescued America after 9/11. He saved all the firefighters with 9/11 cough! And he didn't ask permission.
Then, with the help of the Education Department's chief of staff and the FDA, Tom Cruise got Paxil banned. All by himself. And his embarrassing media tour where everyone learned that Cruise would like all the psychologists in the world jailed? That was good: 50 million people were made aware of the crimes of psychology. 5,000 people hear his word of Scientology every hour.
Then, with the help of the Education Department's chief of staff and the FDA, Tom Cruise got Paxil banned. All by himself. And his embarrassing media tour where everyone learned that Cruise would like all the psychologists in the world jailed? That was good: 50 million people were made aware of the crimes of psychology. 5,000 people hear his word of Scientology every hour.The video makes a damn good case for Tom Cruise being, if not Scientology's "number 2", definitely its most important emissary.
"So whattya say, should we clean this place up," Tom asks of the crowd in his acceptance speech. After watching the worshipful praise bestowed upon 2004's proud recipient of the IAS Freedom Medal of Valor, some of the claims in Andrew Morton's controversial biography seem a bit more believable. What's a field of freshly planted wildflowers for the man who does more than anyone else for raising consciousness of Scientology across the world? Even if Suri Cruise wasn't created with the frozen sperm of Scientology's founder, we can certainly understand why some of the philosophy's more devout adherents might think this man's offspring is the second coming of a prophet.
"So whattya say, should we clean this place up," Tom asks of the crowd in his acceptance speech. After watching the worshipful praise bestowed upon 2004's proud recipient of the IAS Freedom Medal of Valor, some of the claims in 
Comments
My crowning achievement in the field of excellence was inducing Mrs. Miscavige's miscarriage.
The Church of Scientology has a long history of existence to its members.
"And, if elected, I will order the installation of beige berber carpeting in all American automobiles!"
eeeeewwww....that last video.....I feel so cold and frightened.
someone please hold me.
I hope Tom's parents have passed away, for their sake.
ZOINKS Scooby! I think someone unleashed the monsters!
No wonder Scientology is banned in Germany.
I'm sorry...did he just declare war on the non-believers?
The pompous, narcissm that this cult breeds is gut wrenching. I haven't seen Tom Cruise find the cure for cancer, nor have I seen him stop the war in the middle east. But I have seen Kirstie Ally reach out to accomplish off a whole box of Ding Dongs on Fat Actress.
I am either going to give in and join scientology, or jump off the Michigan Ave. bridge today. If I can find out what the L in L Ron Hubbard stands for, I'll join.
News at 6.
My friend moved to LA and became a Scientologist. I never hear from her anymore. True story.
@IndianSlipper: That's your second mention of suicide today. Are you sad? What's going on, Slippy? Missed you!
Cruise To Firefighters: Turn Your Head 360 Degrees And Cough
Tom is there. For me. Finally, I can sleep at night (with my Scientology-approved ray gun next to my bed to extinguish this bozo.)
@IndianSlipper: "L'il"
@IndianSlipper: Lafayette. Remember me when I need help. k? thx.
@Codepink: you're noy=t good enough for her, and you don't believe in science... tology.
"That's not how he drives!"
Seriously, these are my kind of people.
Beter hire a food taster for Denton's bangers and mash. LRH will not take this blatant copyright violation sitting down. To the volcano with you all!
I love the flying documents in the second video clip. As if we are just supposed to assume those documents are credible pieces of information. There they go!
@Truculent:
Exactly. It will be a fascinating legal battle between copyright infringement and fair use.
If Scientology cured Cruise's dyslexia, shouldn't it also be able to cure Miscavige's speech impediment?
they actually found someone shorter than him to stand on stage and introduce him so that he wouldn't appear to be such a shrimp.
Well, this place is a car wreck if I've ever seen one, and I mean that in the most loving way possible.
I can only assume that the "So whattya say, should we clean this place up," thing is a reference to putting away the folding chairs in the Knights of Columbus Hall after the meeting.
Did Tom Cruise just offer to "clean this place up?" Did that just happen?
@Truculent: Agreed, I wouldn't be so brave especially for an office that looks out into the street. Seriously, I'm scared of those Scientologist Mofo's.
Can't we just get it over with, save ourselves some time, and elect him president now?
Medals courtesy of Huggy Bear, Ltd.
@karion: I'm pretty certain the Scientology folks are not OK with the concept of commentary on their copyrighted materials. The courts may be on Gawker's side, but who is gonna check their beds for snakes every night?
Still, watching this stuff is more fun than Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
@the cajun boy: With a pronounced lisp! Don't forget the speech impediment! That's the icing on the cake!
"Tom Cruise Uncut"
Wait - Tom Cruise's l'il soldier is sporting a helmet? Where was that in the video?
@TheHonJudgeSmails2: Heeeeee!!
My sister once catered (i.e., was a waitress at) a Scientology fundraising event in New Haven.
They literally forbade everyone from leaving until the people (who, I reiterate, were not celebrities but rather normal people from around New Haven) hit the pre-set goal, an unsettling amount of money. My sister said the event did not end until after 1 A.M., and there were lots of school-age children there.
She also said they also talked about Hubbard in the present tense, as if he were still alive. (In college I came across a brochure where Hubbard was quoted as commenting on contemporaneous subjects although he had died 10 years earlier.) She also said that there was a big bust of Hubbard's head prominently displayed and every speaker kept looking at it and talking to it.
So, what I'm saying is this: if you haven't watched that video, don't. At least my sister got paid for her suffering.
i kinda want to go for a beer with these people.
Cruisler, where is your mustache?
seriously, foreskin?
After watching the clips, I get the impression this is a sort of video "Chuck Norris Facts" about Tom Cruise.
And no, I didn't ask for permission
O, wow. These videos remind me a lot of some Trinity Broadcasting Network production: similar tacky, rip-off aesthetic, same undercurrent of shallow greed and socializing masquerading as do-goodery and spirituality... but, hell. Maybe people said this about Buddha when he was starting up. Except I'm pretty sure Buddha didn't make converts give him things; there being at least a moral distinction between begging and charging...
But, o, wow.
Tom Cruise Uncut?? I thought someone had finally leaked the Kyle Bradford sex tape.
Freak Whisperer
Tom Cruise said Paxil was bad, and it was later banned.
On 9/13/01 I said that we should kick the Taliban's ass, and then we did.
We are both very powerful.
Funny thing is, I AM a streetsweeper, but that Miscavige fella always in my path when I try to carry it forth.
The Scientolo-woo-woo`s bought a large building not far from where I live and converted into a center several years ago. I´ve been avoiding the whole street until now, but I think tonight I´ll walk by and drop an empty cigarette pack on the sidewalk outside. That´ll show'em.
Dammit, that tears it! I'm going to start my own cult. Making people say bat-shit crazy stuff on camera looks like the coolest thing ever. I just have to get a celebrity spokesman...I have it! How about George "Goober" Lindsey? Everybody likes Goober, right?
I like to watch these with the sound off, listening to Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder, and imagine Tom Cruise singing "you can feel it alllll OOOoooOOOovvver. YOU can feel it AAAlll OooooOoOoveeer."
@Truculent: When I wrote my senior thesis on this stuff, my adviser discussed my options with me in post graduate development. I was all for it and his direct quote was "Keep this on the library shelves here, so you don't have to watch your back later".
@j.blo: I actually got a letter from him - NO JOKE - a month ago!
@SarahHeartburn: Empty bottles of Paxil and Lunesta too, and a copy of "The Very Best of Sigmund Freud".
"You read that book I gave you?"
"What book?"
"Dioretix. Science of matter over mind."
"Unh uh."
"Well you'd better read it, and quick. That book will change your life. Found it in a Maserati in Beverly Hills."
@<