Citing no sources, Liz Smith is reporting in Variety today that Quentin Tarantino is planning to remake Russ Meyer's graduate thesis on the complex and intertwined relationship between heaving bosoms and ultraviolence, Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! For all we know, Liz might have forgotten to take her meds and made the whole thing up but, just this once, let's pretend that her sources aren't make-believe. Keeping that squarely in mind, the rumoured leads of the rumoured movie that QT is rumoured to be making "even raunchier" than the original are Eva Mendes, pride of the E! network Kim Kardashian and, gulp, Crossroads' Britney Spears. Hmmmm. That sounds positively terrible. We would've done it differently.
No offense to Eva, Kim or The Animal, but we're not sure any of the three can even come close to filling out Tura Santana's impressive brassiere. But then again, Quentin Tarantino has never been a breast man. Homeboy's got a foot fetish that makes Troy McClure's fish fetish look postively tame in comparison. Which is exactly why we cast extreme aspersion on the Britney casting note. After all, how could he possibly dig those dogs after all of the restroom germs they have picked up over the years? To save the movie, Defamer is advocating the casting of Lindsay Lohan (she's suitably trashy and available on the cheap ... and Liz Smith approved!), Sydney Tamiia Poiter (we loved her turn as Jungle Julia in "Death Proof") and Attack Of The Show's shiny-haired Olivia Munn. Now THERE'S a multi-culti cast and a movie that we can see ourselves getting excited to download off BitTorrent! Okay?