The single largest threat facing our environment today? Sports hero/Lagerfeld-engineered cyborg-marrier David Beckham. Mr. Beckham, who plays "soccer" for the fictional L.A. Galaxy, "is responsible for 163 tons of carbon dioxide yearly," according to a British environmental group. This entirely made-up number may mean that David Beckham has the largest carbon footprint in the history of mankind. Beckham owns many cars and homes, flew "flew farther in 2007 than a trip from the earth to the moon", and when he's not playing soccer he drives across the polar ice caps in an ATV. He's not expected to change his Earth-destroying ways this year, as, according to FoxSoccer.com, "the England star is still looking to earn his 100th cap for his homeland when England takes on Switzerland in a February friendly." We have absolutely no clue what that means. [Fox Sports]

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