We know that we're only eight years into the Aughts, but we're pretty sure that Joe Simpson has got the Worst Father Of The Decade Award wrapped up. Ever since the sinister minister took the reigns of boobalicious daughter Jessica's "career" (which was like, on her 2nd birthday), he's managed to turn his dingbat cupcake into an oh-no-she-didn't laughingstock (ChickenOrFishGate 2004, anyone?), a divorcee at 25, and a has-been in the music industry. Oh, and then there's the rousing success story that was Blonde Ambition (still stuck at $6,422). The latest double-whack Joe's served to Jess include setting her up on a doomed-from-the-start fiasco of a relationship with Cowboys QB Tony Romo, who's since dumped her admittedly fine ass, and now, turning against the always Simpsons-friendly OK Magazine by (yes, really) handing them a "strongly worded letter" demanding a retraction.
And by "slander," we mean "reporting the facts," as OK continues to stand by their report that Romo "broke up with the singer because she was too high-maintenance" (according to US Magazine). Jessica, high maintenance? We are shocked. We always thought that piling on 8 pounds of makeup, being so creepily close to her hairdresser that he's officially her only friend, and insisting on toting around puppy Daisy in a Louis Vuitton doggie carrier priced high above $3k made the pop tart look downright Joni Mitchell.