Amazon.com, Facebook join grandparents in pressuring my bride to make babies

Not three hours after I got married earlier this month, my wife's grandfather pulled her aside. "By this time next year," he said, "I'll hope you'll bring a new baby to visit us." It's the kind of pressure you might expect from grandparents. But Jeff Bezos, too? Get off our backs, Amazon dude, wouldya? We most certainly did not set up a baby registry. And you too, Mark Zuckerberg. I'm sure she matches some sort of ad-triggering demographic criteria being under-30 and married, but Anna would like you to relax with the maternity-clothing ads.

My favorite part of Amazon's apology email (see screenshot): "We apologize for any confusion this might have caused." Please, dear God — no matter what future innovation holds — let no couple discover they're pregnant via an email from Amazon or through a story in their Facebook news feed.