At last night's sold-out, tranny-filled Kathy Griffin stand-up show at Madison Square Garden, Kath slayed the audience with a brand-new act that leaned heavily on Scientology skewering material. You see, one of Kathy's best friends was a Sex and the City writer/producer named Judy Toll, who died in 2002 from complications of melanoma. Toll joined Scientology in an attempt to network with bigwigs in the entertainment industry, but then swiftly realized that she needed to get out as fast as she could. Only prob? Anyone seeking an exit sign from Tom Cruise's House of Horrors needs, according to Griffin, "a lawyer who specializes in getting people out of cults."
After Kathy asked the audience if they knew any other celeb Scientologists (the audience gleefully shouted out names like "Jason Lee!" and "Giovanni Ribisi!"), she then delved deeper into Toll's involvement with the Church. She went on to explain to the audience of 20,000 people that her understanding of "auditing" is that it's just a series of therapy appointments in which you list everyone you've ever slept with, what your sexual preferences are, all while being recorded by either a videographer or, in the older days, a simple voice recorder. Scariest part? Toll, being rich and naive enough to keep on truckin' up the "levels" of "cleanliness" the Church takes you through, was forced to purchase an "e-meter to measure her toxin levels." Griffin says the e-meter cost Toll the equivalent of one season's pay as a writer on a hit HBO show. All so the Church could have, on record, proof that she took a few doobie puffs and put back a few bubblies every now and then. Question: how many toxins does it take to get that Tom Cruise-y pupil-less look that's so trendy these days?