Earlier this month, a $150 million lawsuit was filed against Time Warner and AOL, with some stunning charges: Credit card fraud, civil rights violations, and discrimination towards people with "bowel problems." Why haven't you heard of this scandal? Probably the same reason you haven't heard of the other recent lawsuits against Martha Stewart, Brad Pitt, Jake Gyllenhaal, George Clooney, Padma Lakshmi, Anderson Cooper, Oprah Winfrey, Slobodan Milosevic, Mumia Abu-Jamal, Lemony Snicket, the Sarbanes-Oxley Act, and Mack's Famous Boardwalk Pizza: They were all filed by Jonathan Lee Riches, the most suing-est federal prisoner you ever could hope to meet! Just this month, Riches has filed hundreds of suits against the most famous people, places, and things in the world. And he has some VERY serious complaints.
Take Riches' suit against CNN hairmonger Lou Dobbs (Filed Oct. 07, closed Oct. 07). Dobbs stood accused of promoting racism against immigrants, defamation of character, treason, and generally "Gestapo Nazi SS" tactics that caused irreparable harm to Riches. Kind of true? Sure! Good for $200 million from a federal judge? Sorry, no. We called Dobbs' rep to see if he was recovering from the stress of this suit, but she hasn't gotten back to us yet, strangely.
Riches doesn't win cases ever, as far as we can tell. But plenty of suits are still pending! Like the one he filed this week against David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, for working as X-files agents to "illegally incarcerate me under Bookes and fanfan." Or the other one he filed earlier this week against Newsweek columnist Fareed Zakaria for giving his fingerprints to neoconservative Interpol agents to set him up on bogus fraud charges. Or the other one he filed this week against drab media mogul Mort Zuckerman for his contributions to Riches' "24 hour abuse/ torture/ beatings." Mercy!
Riches hasn't sued Nick Denton yet, but it's only a matter of time now. Or maybe he'll be thankful to us for helping him blow the cover off the Katie Couric-rat poop-Jewish Mossad connection. The evidence is all here: