Yes, it was a helluva game. And yes, the Manning bros' simultaneous smiles were near-cinematic, as were Plaxico's tears. But unlike the rest of America, we opposed conformity and muted the game, not the commercials. Why? Brand spankin' new movie trailer debuts! And no offense to unlikely hero Eli, but even your wildcard win can't usurp any heat from the likes of Iron Man's Robert Downey Jr. clad in jet-powered metal or Adam Sandler's Israeli accent as a combat soldier-turned-hair-stylist in You Don't Mess With The Zohan. All six trailers shown (and then promptly dissected) after the jump.
Leatherheads Release Date: April 4 Tagline: "In the beginning, the rules were simple. There weren't any." Prime Players: George Clooney, natch, along with Renee Zellweger and John Krasinski (the latter finally making up for That Movie Of Which We Do Not Speak). Highlights: Clooney looking tawny, taut and (gasp!) crackin' jokes, a tiny white bulldog wearing an old-school leather football helmet and, most importantly, Renee turning up as a red-velvet-wearing sports reporter, retooling that charismatic Chicago twang she perfected.
Iron Man Release Date: May 2 Tagline: "Heroes aren't born. They're made." Prime Players: Robert Downey Jr., Terrence Howard, Jeff Bridges, Ghostface Killah (really), and a blink-and-you-miss-her Gwynnie Paltrow. Bonus: Directed by Jon Favreau! Highlights: Pretty much everything Downey says, including "Yeah, I can fly,"and "I'm workin' on something big." Plus the very sight of Terrence's blue-eyed punim. Oh right, and the explosions. Lots and lots of explosions.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian Release Date: May 16 Tagline: "A New Age Has Begun." Prime Players: Tilda Swinton returns, as do the four annoying tykes, but new cast members include Liam Neeson and our favorite height-challenged dude with a 'tude, Peter Dinklage. Highlights: Awesome footage of London's The Strand metro stop morphing into a tropical beach after one empty car goes by. Plus the hottest newbie since Harry Potter grew pubes: Ben Barnes in the title role.
You Don't Mess With The Zohan Release Date: June 6 Tagline: "I come here to start new life, find nice woman, then make the boom-boom." Prime Players: Sandler stars in the title role and Emmanuelle Chirqui plays the love interest. Sandler hanger-on Rob Schneider and fascinatingly, Henry Winkler and Mariah Carey playing "themselves." Highlights: Sandler's accent, hair, outfits, and facial expressions as a Mossad agent who fakes his death in order to "cut and style hair" puts Jack Black to shame. Also, depictions of Israel as a land where blondes jump around the beach in red, white and blue bikinis are so freakily erroneous they border on Borat levels of hilarity. Finally...um, Sandler is super hot for the first time in recent memory once he restyles himself as a New Yorker.
Release Date: June 27
Tagline: "Choose your identity." (Um, can we borrow Jolie's for a hot second?)
Prime Players: Pre-preggers Angelina Jolie, James McAvoy and the always dependable Morgan Freeman.
Highlights: Angie's first magnetic, eyeliner-drenched appearance in a drugstore five seconds in, curveball bullets shot in slo-mo, McAvoy breaking through glass windows, and yeah, the classic shots of Angie shooting massive guns out the passenger window of a red speedster. And...that eyeliner. Wow.
Release Date: June 27
Tagline: "After 700 years of doing what he was built for - he'll discover what he's meant for."
Prime Players: Pixar, the voices of Fred Willard (!) and Jeff Garlin.
Highlights: Dude, these guys made The Incredibles and Ratatouille. You need highlights? It takes place in 2700, k? Pretty much all you need to know...to know that it will kickall the others' asses.