Sounds like somebody's got a case of the frumpy uglies.

That Ashlea Halpern response is kind of awesome. I was reading it, and I was thinking "Hells yeah! You tell it like it is, sister!" And then I got to the part where Ashlea describes herself as ugly, and I was all, "Ewww! Ugly girl! No thank you, madam!" And then I stopped reading it.

i want to tell ashlea that being that she doesn't already look like one of the mythical TONY cougars, she's got a fucking leg up on julia "inexplicably 48 years old" allison.

Aw, what a cute little ball of fluff. (Insert obvious punchline here.)

Classy soundtrack choice.

@Furious_George: And the part where she's talking about sitting and watching the purses? Since when do you have to be a supermodel to talk to dance with drunk guys?

@collegecallgirl: Yeah. Like, give me a fucking break. If you're a chick and you've got a pulse, you can pick up drunk guys in a bar. How fucking ugly or "intimidating" must she be not to be able to land a drunk dude?

I love that line in the Ludacris background track where he says, "We can do it in the libary, on top of a book."

Oh, and this Julia Allison broad ain't all that.

Where are the fucking C.H.U.D.s when you really need them?

@TheHonJudgeSmails: Everything about this just drips with classy.

It was too short to properly masturbate to, too long to find interesting.

@Nic Fit: Every lyric every written/performed by Ludacris is awesome.

And for the last time, take your fucking top off!

@traydon_barter: I thought I was dripping with classy once. But it turned out my colostomy bag had ruptured.

@Furious_George: I stand absolutely firm on the fact that you do NOT have to look like Julia Allison for the "loving yourself and having fun" philosophy to make you a people magnet. This chick is bitter and dried up and I bet her vagina crumbles if you poke it.

OH MAN, the unintentional hilarity of Luda opining "Rough sex, make it hurt/ in the garden or in the dirt" juxtaposed with JA primly posing in her red gown is FUCKING PRICELESS.

OR WAS THAT INTENTIONAL, you jokesters?

Add one spunky Jewish neighbor and you've got Mary Tyler Moore II. NYC street corners must be littered with Julia Allison's berets.

@collegecallgirl: Ha! Crumbly vagina! Brilliant!

Dear Nick Denton,

Please. For. The. Love. Of. God. No. More Julia. Allison.
Thank. You.

FUCK!

Just how long has JA been single? Sure, its wonderful now; but lets check back with her in about 6 months when she's had about 10-too many first dates and she's sitting on her couch with her puppy, eating spoonfuls of unrefined sugar our of the bag, watching Grey's Anatomy repeats, quietly telling herself how empowering it is to be single.

@collegecallgirl: I bet her vagina has twigs in it, like Courtney Cox's!

@Furious_George: I bet her vagina speaks in a voice like the cryptkeeper's.

That poor fucking dog deserves better.

Her 'stylist' is more attractive. That's dangerous. This stylist hears that enough and will start to sabotage JA, like forgetting to accentuate her breasts, or throwing her dog down the garbage chute.

New Gawker shirt:

"Dripping With Class"

BTW, that video made me sick.

@BK_KT: By the way, it is a testament to Luda's lyrical genius that he can use euphemisms like "garden" and "dirt" to dodge radio censors. How many other rappers do you know who can freely opine about the merits of vaginal vs. anal sex on Top 40 radio?

After a long hard day of doing absolutely nothing, I finally get over to Gawker and first up is... Julia Allison.
I'm going back to doing nothing. It smells better and doesn't involve genital pastry.

@collegecallgirl: Her vagina is definitely not a velvety love pouch like yours is.

Julia's point: "It's okay that I spend all my time worrying about whether or not guys want to sleep with me. It's *branding*!"

Ashlea's point: "It's not fair that guys want to sleep with Julia because she's hot! I want them to want to sleep with *me*, for no reason at all!"

@fiveinchtaint: Yes - do want stylist.

She is just not that interesting. She is an average girl who spends a lot of time and effort to look like she isn't, and at the end of the day, she knows it. That's why the only thing she does is gussy herself up and have pictures taken of her. She's flooded the market with those images, so now, she isn't even interesting to look at.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: Agreeance. Her stylist is a naughty little librarian who needs a good spanking.

@Furious_George: No, it's a prickly briar pratch.

julia alison is No Face of the media world. At first, harmless D.C. arm candy. but then it grows. the hate stars. the disease and filth amass.

and then, BAM.

hm. actually comparing NYC media heads to Miyazaki is kind of fun.

@fiveinchtaint: I'm in love with her stylist!

@TheHonJudgeSmails: @Furious_George: Turns out she is one of her friends. She's the 'E' to her Vincent. I wonder if her Turtle is a lazy, overweight slut.

Ashlea and her bf are actually in TONY a few pages later, looking for a double date, so you can see what she looks like.

Where's the "Look At What You Allowed Denton To Do" tag Pareene?

@Furious_George: Dayum! Is it just me or are the comments particularly sexually charged today? It's making it very difficult to concentrate on this whole job thing.

@fiveinchtaint: You lost me once you started with references to Entourage. We are no longer friends.

@Unfun: That's nothing compared to your little tete-a-tete with VirusWithShoes on your commenter pages!

@TheHonJudgeSmails: But the fact that I trolled her tumblr to find that information is cool?

@Unfun: The comments have been sexually charged for awhile now. At least mine have been. This is because I broke up with my gf a couple of weeks ago, and now I really fucking need to get laid. Badly. I've never really subscribed to the "dudes need to blow off steam!" theory of sexual frustration, but lately I can see the wisdom in it.

@Unfun: I thought they always were? Damn - I read too much into things. But, saying that, I have a terrific imaginary sex-life.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: She had me, as most women do, at "panties". Also - I like her whiskers and bright, shiny eyes.

@VirusWithShoes: Panties is a hot word. Awkward to type that. I want to write "Panties are a hot word". But that's patently ridiculous.

Mmmm... patent leather panties...

@fiveinchtaint: Totally cool.