Bravo's Andy Cohen Advocates Eradicating Jessica Simpson Before She Can Eradicate Us

There's always something of interest in Bravo network's Andy Cohen's blog, where a Freaky Friday-ish scenario appears to have taken place in which a male, adult TV executive has magically traded bodies with that of a highly temperamental and starstruck 14-year-old girl. Take, for example, Cohen's recent musings on the subject of Jessica Simpson, which, surprisingly enough, weren't accompanied by margin annotations of the heart-encircled-'Mrs. Andy Gyllenhaal'-variety:

08.07.06 On Saturday night, I confirmed what I knew to be true, that Jessica Simpson is devoid of talent and should be sent to Iraq. I heard her new single on the radio and she sucks and it sucks and the whole situation is pathetic. She is, like global warming, inevitable.
08.09.06 World of Wonder honcho Randy Barbato emailed me the other night to tell me I'd been too harsh on Jessica Simpson's new song in my Monday blog. He told me to give it another chance. I told him that I will never give her another chance. She is everything that's wrong with the world. I told him I have to stand for something. I hate her. My parents taught me not to hate anybody so I am going to revise that and say that I can't stand the sight of her stupid blank face.

The song that launched Andy's fantasies of seeing Simpson dropped into Iraq's triangle of death wearing nothing but a matching stars-and-stripes parachute/bikini set is, of course, "A Public Affair," a track which pays loving homage to Madonna's "Holiday" by recreating the song note for note without credit. It's an incredibly bold and unusual move for a TV exec to go so publicly on the record against a star as big as Simpson—Project Runway can kiss her celebrity judging services goodbye— but we're proud of Cohen for not sugarcoating his thoughts when weighing in on the serious, celebrity issues. And while it may seem slightly hysterical to compare a plastic, pop trifle like Simpson to an issue as serious as global warming, as Al Gore has warned us before, stupid, blank faced starlets may very well be what ultimately pushes humanity over the precipice of extinction with one, drunken shove of their stupid Jimmy Choos.