The Biggest Loser: Paris Hilton vs. Jessica Simpson Edition

With only 111 theaters willing to show The Hottie and The Nottie, Paris Hilton's big breakout flick only took in $25,000 at the box office this weekend. As we mentioned earlier, the film's $225 per screen average was, by far, the worst of the weekend. When you couple this flick's performance with Jessica Simpon's recent Texas-sized disaster (not to mention the whole Crossroads fiasco and LiLo's stripper movie), it's become clear that public interest in vadge flashes, sex tapes, and gurney rides is inversely proportional to the public's appetite to plunk down $11 to see a ditzy poptard attempt to emote on the big screen. So what's a pair of talentless wannabes to do? Well, getting nude, ugly or even (gasp!) fat might be a good start.

Jessica famously turned down that porn star role due to Papa Joe's no-nudity clause and, so far, Paris hasn't been willing to show her goods in anything other than amateur productions. Looks like stripping might be out of the question for the moment. Which leads us to the tried and true Charlize Theron trail to Oscar gold: add a few pounds, dirty yourself up, stop wearing makeup, etc. If both of these options are no-gos for Paris and Jess, maybe, just maybe, they should give this legitimate acting thing a break for the time being and move onto what audiences really want to see from them. Putting our producer hat on fo a sec, we think it might be time for a young go-getter from Skinemax to shell out some big bucks to get Jess and Paris to appear in one of those soft-core movies that we, uh, never watch or anything.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]