Be warned, ladies: Tim couldn't help, for instance, Ashlee Simpson. He's not Superman.

Are Lindsay's tits bulbous and perky these days? Because that will largely determine who I am supporting in this battle.

for future reference: [dictionary.reference.com]

It's like, yeah, motherfucker, I'm fine.
And you?

i never noticed paris' disproportionately large feet before.

Aw, Paris. I'm sure she thought of a much better comeback later that night, but it was too late.

All right, yo, let's settle this with a flick-off: "The Hottie and the Nottie" versus "I Know Who Killed Me".

The unspeakable continue to pursue the unbearable, and we watch.

This is "Alien vs Predator -- the Musical," right?

They should each put out a single dissing the other one, it will be like Nas vs Jay-Z or 50 cent vs Ja Rule.

Can you imagine the clever hip-hop battle disses LL Lohan and P Hilton could come up with? The mind boggles.

@fiveinchtaint: "Oh, shit, I should have used a fucking comma in that sentence!"

@TheHonJudgeSmails: What is with you and boobies today?

Whatever. Call me when they start getting into knife fights.

Given that Lohan just signed with Death Row Records, I'm afraid of where this is gonna end up.

Stay out of Las Vegas, Paris!

@smartster: Why not full-out war, with crews and Glocks and spastic finger messages and all that 50-Cent paraphernalia?

Since this was reported by the Mirror either LL or PH may actually have been doing a remote.

Who else is getting a Dorothy Parker meets Lillian Hellman at the Algonquin vibe from this encounter? Anyone? Okay, how about Jason versus Michael Myers?

Clare Booth Luce, eat your fucking heart out. You bitch.

@PimpMyCouch: What do you mean "today"? I'm obsessed with them every day.

@Michael Jahn: That would be awesome.

"Who shot ya?
Seperate the weak from the ob-solete
Hard to creep them LA streets
Its on bitch, fuck all that bickering beef
I can hear sweat trickling down your cheek
Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet
Thundering, shaking the concrete
Finish it, stop, when I foil the plot
Neighbors call the cops said they heard mad shots
Saw me in the drop, three in the corner."
-Paris Hilton

"Who shot me? But your punks didn't finish, Now you 'bout to feel the wrath of a menace… bitch, I hit 'em up" - Lindsay Lohan

@TheHonJudgeSmails: But it seems like you're just vocalizing it a lot more today. Then again, we ladies have been discussing them and bras over at the man-underwear thread, so maybe it's just on your mind more?

I wish them both good luck with their demons.

Both of them have receding hairlines from over use of hair dye. But they could both definitely restart their careers as spokeswhores for Valtrex. Lindsay in particular. I saw Lindsay at the Delano's NYE party two years ago and her mouth and chin were covered in herpes sores. It was really horrifying.

@werewolf: HA.

If this confrontation didn't devolve into an intense dance battle we were all cheated.

ohpleaseohpleasepleaseplease stab each other in the eyes. PLEASE. Just think for a minute about how great that would be.

Remind we again why people want to name themselves after a pair of shoes.

Music! Movies! Perfume! Jewelry! Fashion! What can't these girls do!? Oh right, anything involving an attention span and a modicum of talent.