Hey, we know what everyone could use right about now! A probably fake Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan catfight story, set at Timbaland's Grammys party, and ripped from the pages of a sundry British tabloid. Are we right? Of course we're right! Take it away, Mirror UK:

But while we expected things to be wild, we didn't predict being flies on the wall for the mother of all cat-fights between the pair:

We watched open-mouthed as Lindsay pointed at Paris and snarled: "What the hell is that bitch doing here? I didn't know she was on the list."

To which Paris spat back: "F*** off you bitch." [...]

A source close to the pair explained to us: "Both of them want to work with Timbaland to revive their faltering music careers."

Have you ever? Those two famous women will stop at virtually nothing to work with the world's most sought-after music producer, including launching profanity-laced vitriol at one another [sigh...uncomfortably long pause], the likes of which the world has rarely seen!

• Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton fight at Grammys party [mirror.co.uk]

Contact information for this author is not available.