Nicolas Cage Slaps Kathleen Turner With Lawsuit Over Chihuahanapping Claims He Says Are False

We now return to the Everybody's Suing Everybody Day festivities with the ongoing feud between Kathleen Turner and Nic Cage, the former having accused the latter in her upcoming autobiography of having several DUI and dog-snatching marks on his personal record. An irate Cage quickly issued a denial, out of concern that Turner's tales might render his many impressionable young fans incapable of separating truth from fiction: The last thing the world needs is a spate of renegade Chihuahuanappings, or, heaven's forfend, a troubling new trend in which confused teens light their heads on fire before embarking on stolen-motorcycle joyrides. Perhaps to fully hammer his message home, Cage has now filed a "defamaton, libel and slander" suit against his Peggy Sue Got Married co-star in British court:

Ms Turner has yet to respond to the case, the spokesman added.

A spokesman for Mr Cage in Los Angeles said the action followed "false allegations that appear in a forthcoming autobiography", the Daily Telegraph reported.

U.K.'s libel laws are notoriously more stringent that ours, though Cage is fully prepared to take the fight Stateside. As a rep recently told NY Daily News, Turner will have to apologize and retract the story, or he'd "go full speed ahead with litigation in the U.S." Incapable of wresting the receiver away from a hovering Cage's hands, the actor then added, "And that goes for anyone else out there who questions the righteousness of so much as a single strand of hair on my head. I'll sue those mud-slingers into Timbuktu, too! Now go put that in your paper!" before slamming the phone down, and spending the rest of the afternoon letting out his frustration on a speed bag in his favorite bear suit.