Gary Coleman Tied Knot, Popped Cherry, Then Promptly Devoured His Prey

A (lucky!) redhead named Shannon Price agreed to marry and deflower Diff'rent Strokes star-turned-punchline Gary Coleman in what really we're hoping is an elaborate stunt to convince Vh1 execs to shoot a pilot episode for Strange Love 2: Short And Sweet. Taking a cue from the destructive relationship between Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielsen, it seems that domestic abuse is just one of the many fun activities going on at Casa Coleman since married life began! The NY Post reports that Price told Inside Edition that:

"[Gary] lets his anger conquer him sometimes. He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction.'"

Fun! We hope Shannon gets her chance every now and then to throw "things" back at Gary, like maybe those Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout Willis bobblehead dolls. If that fails, she can always forego physical abuse and instead walk down the primrose path of mental cruelty, perhaps by suggesting that MC Hammer's infomercials were kinda hotter than Gary's for CashCall. We can only assume Gary's been following the advice from his own commercials' tagline: "Pay your bills on time and everyone will love you." Even a 22 year-old flame-haired masochist.