Upon hearing The National Enquirer's report that Jenny Craig fired Kirstie Alley because she is just too darn fat, we stopped picturing Jenny as a cute Southern mommy type who just wants us to be healthy and began suspecting she's more like that undermining ex-boyfriend of ours who just wanted us to be Angelina Jolie. Adding extra salt on the wound, Jenny Craig has reportedly replaced her with Queen Latifah, who's pledged to lose 25 pounds as soon as that pesky Pizza Hut contract expires. But the reasons behind the corporate ax may have had less to do with Kirstie's inability to shed pounds, and more to do with a little religion Tom Cruise likes to call Scientology.
Back in 2004, a Slate reporter exposed the faults with Scientology's "detox program," which is outlined by L. Ron Hubbard in Clear Body, Clear Mind. The questionable method "purports to 'flush' poisons from the body's fat stores using an intensive regimen of jogging, oil ingestion, sauna, and high doses of vitamins, particularly niacin." Sounds all well and good, 'cept for one small problem: "Advocates are clear that weight-loss is not to occur." Which put our Kirstie in a bit of a toughie. Without Jenny Craig, she'd be chubbers, but without Scientology, she'd "be dead." Looks like Alley chose Xenu over Jenny, and really, who can blame her? Faced with the choice of being a totally hot dead chick or an average-sized and totally alive Scientologist (rock and hard place, huh?), we'd go with the latter too!