Extremist Islamic Terrorists Hail Their New Queen, Sharon Stone

After giving an anti-war interview to Middle Eastern newspaper Al Hayat, Sharon Stone is finally getting rave reviews. Sadly, they're not from the trades; they're from the terrorists. After visiting the region on a very Angelina Jolie-esque "fact-finding mission," Stone told the paper she feels "great pain" thinking about the war in Iraq, prompting extremist leaders like Muhammed Abel Al to get downright gushy with praise: "This lady is smelling and seeing the dangers for the future of America." It's not quite the same as getting a plucky pullquote from Jeffrey Lyons, but it'll do. However, it gets worse! Apparently, if we don't "follow" Stone's lead, the United States will be totally fucked.

We still can't figure out what Stone said that is so different from past comments made by Jolie, but guys like Abel Al and Jihaad Jaara, who favored blowing up churches in 2002, are positively in love. Said Jaara, "we feel satisfied with Stone's quotes...she is a woman who understands well what are the risks of American foreign policy." Jaara went on to assure Americans that if we don't listen to the original vadge flasher and McCain is elected, we're pretty much doomed to experience a few more 9/11s in our lifetime. So do whatever Sharon says, k? Except see any and all of her movies.