Sam Zell: Asshole On PurposeSo the ombudsman at the Chicago Tribune, in his role as Mr. Serious And Humorless, told gnomish, cussing old man/ billionaire Tribune owner Sam Zell that Zell's "profanity-laced remarks"—that would be "fuck you"— were causing some concern among staffers. Particularly the chicks! So Zell was like, I'll tell you what, ombudsman Timothy J. McNulty: Fuck you too, pansy! Get back to work! We're paraphrasing, of course. But that's the message!

"I'm not disrespecting anybody. I'm trying to make everybody uncomfortable," Zell said. "This business has been eroding before your eyes and you're worried about my language? ... Everything I said was with an intent to get everybody to get off their [behinds] and understand this is a crisis. We've got to save this business. We've got to make this work. And we've got to prioritize what we get all pushed out of shape about. ... If we keep operating the way we've been operating, there is no future."

Sam Zell: Kicking [behinds] daily.