Gawker
Why else would he do a publicity campaign with the voting already done? But Clooney is smooth, so very smooth: he goes to dinner at Time writer Joel Stein's house and actually starts doing home repairs on the guy's house after a couple bottles of wine. He's also got the fame game completely figured out, hates Bill O'Reilly, and he knows that all the work he does in Darfur isn't really helping.
Clooney, not a man of inaction, especially in a moment of crisis like this, stands on my dining-room table, unscrews a panel in the ceiling and, finding nothing, makes me go outside and carry a huge ladder with him up two flights to my garage upstairs—where he climbs into an area I've never dared go, crawling along the beams with a screwdriver between his teeth. Finding nothing, he climbs down, knocks the dirt off his jeans, blows the dust out of his nose, rinses his hands and returns to the table. The shriek starts again, and Clooney thinks for a few seconds, ducks down and yanks the carbon monoxide detector out of the outlet. "Either it needs a battery," he says, "or we have six seconds to live."Well-played, sir! However:
One person Clooney will mess with—the thing he keeps coming back to the more we drink—is what a massive loser Bill O'Reilly is. It's an irrational feud because every time O'Reilly gets to be as important as Clooney, O'Reilly comes out way ahead. But Clooney can't help himself. He keeps talking about O'Reilly, and the little traps he's set for him and how thrilled he is when he falls into them. It's as if Clooney loves O'Reilly because he gives him permission to be an irrational 8-year-old. Maybe that's why anyone loves O'Reilly. [Time]The enemy of our enemy is our friend!
Comments
I only feel like Mr. Fix-It after a couple bottles of wine, too. That's why my toilet is in the hallway and the refrigerator door swings inward.
I don't care what anyone says, and least of all what an annoying nerd like Joel Stein says, but George Clooney is 100% badass.
George, I want to have your babies! CALL ME!
I don't need any home repairs but if Clooney needs me to work on his pipe all he needs to do is ask.
And that, Young Hollyweird, is how to KISS ASS and get on the cover of TIME.
@Furious George: Agreed!
Also, do I need to be drunk to understand that paragraph about O'Reilly? "Every time O'Reilly gets to be as important as Clooney"??! The hell kind of assertion is that?
I think he knows that he's going to to lose the Oscars, and is just drinking his milkshake down before anyone else gets to it.
Also, he is quite handsome.
He's a modern day Indiana Jones. I wish he was my dad (literally, not like daddy you sicko's).
What a stunning man. I don't care how many lines he's got runnin around that forehead.
Also, does ANYone like BillOreilly?
@DorothyMantooth: Joel Stein is as bad at writing as he thinks he is good. Which is quite bad, when you think about it.
Alright it's over ladies and gents, he's officially won the greater Minneapolis/St. Paul Cary Grant look-alike contest.
Being George Clooney, when the carbon monoxide detector starts freaking out, it's not like anyone else. As you climb into the ceiling, you know you have to do something about it because you know you're the only one that can really help.
I probably hate O'Reilly as much or more, but somehow never seem to turn heads like George does.
George! *swoon*
I'll wash Joel Stein's dishes if it will get me on the cover of Time.
@Furious George: Oh damn, I've gone cross-eyed.
@Furious George: How does he even still have a career? More importantly, why hasn't anyone pummeled him in the face yet?
He knows he's not getting an Oscar. I saw him on TV last night saying how Daniel Day Lewis screwed the rest of the nominees.
Radar mentions in their March issue that Hollywood is hating on Clooney, go figure.
@DorothyMantooth:
How did I know that you two would share my opinion on this?
I love the smug bastid.
He's gay, right?
@contradicto: I dunno, but if I ever see him, he's getting the sort of atomic wedgie he hasn't seen since 10th grade.
Joel Stein and George Clooney should be tied to one another and dragged behind a pickup truck.
@ADismalScience: Why, our shared impeccable taste, natch.
@Furious George: Ha! Yes, quite.
Was anyone else kind of hoping that Matt Damon and Brad Pitt were going to fall out of Stein's ceiling? Or is Pitt too mature for that sort of thing these days?
@Furious George: Something about him tells me that he just might like that.
Hey, everybody! Don't forget your backlash!
"Why Is Hollywood Hating on George Clooney?"
[radaronline.com]
@Furious George: I'm 100% not embarrassed by my man-crush on George Clooney. He's just so charming!
Mmmm...George Clooney fixing things...
There's no reason to hate George Clooney, especially since he conceded the Oscar to Daniel Day. Mostly he just sits at his house and plays Frank Sinatra records while he drinks with his friends. And probably he fucks girls too.
I hear he has so much fun on the set of all his movies, and that it doesn't even feel like work.
The only place O'Reilly is as important as Clooney is in his own little Fox News-warped head. Really can't find a bad word to say about Clooney, to be honest.
At this point I might as well confess that I am George Clooney.
@Furious George: Your picture gave it away.
@fiveinchtaint: I hear he speaks fluent LOLcat and always has gum.
wait, Joel Stein writes for Time?
This should wind up on the front page of Newsweek in no time.
@fiveinchtaint: I'm afraid if I acknowledge how much I am laughing at that, I will somehow take away from its subtle awesomeness. But whatever. Awesome.
Home repair, eh? I didn't realize he was a lesbian.
@mitchel_stevens: I love how Time and Newsweek are always competing to see who can be lamest, stodgiest, and most out-of-touch each week! It almost makes me want to publish "NewsTime," an alternative to the two-party weekly newsmagazine system. NewsTime will feature no articles whatsoever, and will in fact just be an endless series of pictures of naked college girls' butts.
@Furious George: Great! Can you come by my house, say, 5o'clock? My bathroom needs renovating.
@Furious George:
The naked butts would make Meacham slap his forehead and wonder why he didn't think of that.
This story does nothing towards dispelling the fantasies.
@mitchel_stevens: He didn't think of it because he's a stupidface.
Given the company, I'll bet Clooney was holding out for the "six seconds to live" scenario.
@Conbon: Ha. Truth need not hyperbole.
Why would anyone as cool as Clooney hang out with a loser like Joel Stein?
@TedSez: If Rupert Everett is mounting the "backlash", Clooney wll probably come out ok. Because that guy is an attention-starved asshole.
@Furious George: I KNEW it! Now will you finish your futuristic gay love story, a tale of vigorous sexual congress involving a Starfleet captain, his blind engineer, and a twink named Crusher?
Isn't he in a new movie with Bulimia Face and that ugly guy from The Office?
@lawyergay: I'm working on a prequel, actually.
Clooney fixed my toilet, once. I didn't even know he was in the house, apart from the odd clankin