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"Real Sex Tantalizes as Processed Porn Gets Boring," promised the Wired headline a good friend sent me this weekend. I'm vain — I thought it might be about me and Valleywag's new coverage. Or at least about some other people who've put aside porn for in-person pussy. Of course not. The article was about less-processed porn.

There's a formula for this sort of safe writing about "sex" rather than sex. Can you spot it in the Wired piece?

  • The bait: Your desire for real, live sex.
  • The switch: Porn, so you can fap to your monitor.
  • The business model: An article headlined "Real sex tantalizes" turns out to be about new and improved porn, and carries an ad for a 65" plasma screen.

(Photo of local escort ENVY — who you can actually meet for real, not on your Dell — from ClubSYN)