The Ellen Page Sexuality Sweepstakes

Repellent as it was, Jeffrey Wells' suspicion that no teenage boy would ever knock up a girl as "midget-sized" or "scrawny" as he perceived Ellen Page to be in Juno might actually have had some veracity to it. At least accidentally, anyhow, as Michael Musto indirectly suggested on Wednesday:

I mean, come on already, is she??? You know, Lebanese! She certainly dresses like a, you know, tomboy. And if you google "Ellen Page boyfriend," not a whole lot comes up, except for a link to some interview where she refers to an old beau. And if you google "Ellen Page dating," you get the news that she dated Ben Foster, but then you get a followup saying she denies that ever happened. Who did she go to the Oscars with? I couldn't tell from the cropped shots of her, but it looked like she was maybe with her mother? For guys, that used to signify 100% gay, but for girls, it might just mean young and/or Canadian—or, um, gay. ... [L]et's put the dykey pieces together. Is Juno a you know?"

It's not taking long for the pieces to trickle in either: The screengrab of Page's Oscar date, for example; or the careful parsing of everything from her footwear to her ambivalence toward Vanity Fair glamdom. Then there's Jack & Diane, the long-gestating film to which she's attached to star opposite her Juno pal Olivia Thirlby as a young New York lesbian who "must struggle to keep their love alive while hiding the secret that her newly awakened sexual desire occasionally turns her into a werewolf." Brilliant! An Oscar nod and a lesbian werewolf role before she's even 22. I've often visualized Page as the new Jodie Foster — and she didn't even need to pay her dues in Bugsy Malone! These kids today, I swear.