Gawker
Another (self identified) REAL Starbucks employee has come forward to give us a peek behind the coffee company's chipper training day iron curtain of enthusiasm. This tipster confirms that Tuesday's mandatory job training was, in fact, for nerds, but then rises to a stirring defense of the company. The argument: "Sure, I got a nasty case of herpes on my hand because management is too cheap to buy more than one pair of rubber dishwashing gloves for a staff of fifteen. But hey, I'm insured to the hilt, so the Valtrex to quell said herpes is deeply discounted." Solid! The full, amusing email after the jump.
Real Starbucks employee here.Yesterday's training session really was three hours of wasted time. A large chunk of our re-education included watching a video on how to steam milk. My loud, sarcastic comments during this video actually prompted one of the more sincere baristas to chastise me with "Sssh! I can't hear the milk." We also talked about "renewed commitment to environmental principles," which is fucking bullshit because most Starbucks outside of the NY metro area have a motherfucking DRIVE-THRU LANE.
I regret to inform you, however, that Starbucks is really not as evil as Gawker's commenters seem to think. Sure, our coffee is bitter and overpriced. Sure, I got a nasty case of herpes on my hand because management is too cheap to buy more than one pair of rubber dishwashing gloves for a staff of fifteen. But hey, I'm insured to the hilt, so the Valtrex to quell said herpes is deeply discounted.
Alright, maybe I'm not making such a great case for my employers right now. But why all the vitriol from commenters? Go hate on the schmucks at Cake Shop or Bowery Poetry Club or something. Their coffee's not that much better, their employees don't have health coverage, their bathrooms aren't any cleaner, and your chances of being snobbed off by some kid with an indier-than-thou haircut are exponentially greater.
Comments
just snorted cheap free office coffe out my nose
coffee
EXACTLY.
wups caps
So casual about herpes! I will stop questioning those Valtrex ads now.
Hamilton: can you please provide the exact address of where this guy works so I know to avoid it completely and just go to the one directly across the street from it?
Anything is an improvement over Dunkiin' Donuts.
it's hard to get chicks with hair piece.
Baristas (i Baristos?):
Any of you attend the big Barist_ competition a week or two ago? BIG TALK at my local coffee place. I'm interested!
@In Other News...: Does the fact that we're beginning to worry about herpes again mean that the AIDs epidemic is over? Herpes became quaint for a couple decades there.
@Michael Jahn: I prefer dunkin' dognuts actually.
You can get herpes on your hand?!?!?!
Wait, you can get the herp from a pair of gloves? On your hand? Where the hell is the PSA about that!? Damn.
I can't hear the milk either. Can you turn it up?
i've frequented many starbucks in my day and have gotten to know some of their employees and the sentiment expressed here seems to be universal. say what you want about them, as for a global corporations go, they do treat their employees fairly well.
@BK_KT: Not only that, but you can get gonorrhea on your ear. You just put a little dishwashing soap on it, and it clears it right up.
@IndianSlipper: I prefer Dugan Dunguts, a cop I met at a Dunkin Donuts one lonely night in Worcester.
@Sally Tomato: just snorted more coffee....
@Michael Jahn: If you watch those Valtrex ads - or work at Starbucks - apparently there's not much worry at all.
@CodePink: As in MA? I haven't been to Spags in a long time but hear it sucks now.
Um, the people at Cake Shop and Bowery Poetry Club -- although wan, insufferable and glutted with iPod-full-of-Iron-and-Wine coy hipsterness -- at least do not all dress alike in ugly green aprons like an upper-class Burger King employee with some misdirected sense of attitude.
@the cajun boy: I was working for a very nice entertainment marketing agency awhile back and my friend went to Starbucks for a part time gig during Grad School. She worked 25 hours a week and had 100% better benefits then I did and was getting reimbursed for going to school.
Another friend, who started as a Barista while in undergrad, is now an executive in their marketing department. Everyone I know seems excited about working there, mostly its the annoying repeat customers that drive them nuts.
@Sally Tomato: Sure. PWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... "Ouch, herpes scab!" PLOP! "Oh my, I picked at it, and now it's fallen into this Venti White Mocha! Lemme put in some chocolate shavings... and some whipped cream... Venti White Mocha, order up!"
@the cajun boy: ...and coffee growers in Africa, I hear.
Maybe it was a coincidence, but my least favorite Starbucks in my town had undergone a marked improvement yesterday. The barista was polite, friendly and efficient (not the norm at this one), and for the first time in my entire starbucks-going life someone asked if I wanted room for milk in my tea. Also the pastry and refrigerator cases were fully stocked even late in the evening. So maybe something is working?
@IndianSlipper: Thank you.
@the cajun boy: I worked at Satrbucks WAAAAY back in the day and we received stock options after 1 year (if I remember right) of working there. Ah, those were the good old days. And a dime bag only cost a dime and a nickel bag only a nickel ...
"Sssh! I can't hear the milk."
This made my day.
My Coffee Stand Man's thoughts on the matter:
"Eh? You went to Starbucks? What? Fuck you. Black, no sugar, here."
@mathnet: Servicey: Italian words ending in -ista can be either masculine or feminine (artista, altruista, socialista). Although the roots of -ista words may be Latinate, the suffix goes back to the Greek -istes. In Romance languages, the suffix -istes becomes -ista or -iste (or whatever) and does not indicate gender.
@mathnet: I caught some of that on the food network this weekend.
Oh-god, I've wasted my life. (goes and shoots self).
Starbucks employees in Austin, TX were waaaaaay too friendly, always trying to start conversations and asking about whatever book I was holding. It makes for an awkward minute while I wait for my cappuccino to be made.
@WideStanceRomancer: Your welcome. For what I'm not sure, but you are always welcome.
Seriously, folks. We hear a lot about Starbucks' health plan and (un)happy employees. Can we do a Viacom-style outing of just what the hell is up there? I wonder if Starbucks really offers the same benefits all over the country, or has different management/organization in different areas of the country. (I know that, here in Spain, for example, Starbucks stores are managed by a Spanish company that specializes in restaurants, but I have no idea if the employees are shareholders or get profit sharing, etc.) Come on Starbottoms, share!
@In Other News...: So traumatized by this.
I literally have a giant frowny/grossed out face going.
@In Other News...: you made my stomach turn and I just tossed my over-priced coffee int he trash. *urp
someone is wearing that glove wrong
"Sure, they're totally lax about my health and safety, but they're going to have to pay for it eventually!"
So casual about contracting Herp in the dish room! I'd be asking for a Hazmat suit--all my own--before I would wash another mug.
Yeah, that's no herpes. It's called scabies and that's why it won't go away.
Do they still do flashmobs? Someone should organize a mass visit to like 20 Starbucks and at the appointed hour start screaming at the baristas about "frothy pus in my Chock Full of Nuts" and see how they handle it.
@sexbot: Isn't "Scabies" the game you can play on the starbucks website?
Hey, barrista, what's a cold sore doing in my latte?
The backstroke.
@IndianSlipper: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Spag's closed.
Did he just talk smack about Cake Shop?! I am so angry. It is my home. It fosters explosions and jumping style type fun.
Does Starbucks have a downstairs bar where maybe a man will dress in drag and scream with a guitar and you can drink sparx?
I dunno, maybe they do at one of their million locations - but not at most of them.
I'll have the Herpes Latte with an extra shot of Syphilis. But put a lot of whip cream on top because it makes it more syphilis-ier.
@soulpilgrim: I believe that's a direct quote from a cutting-room floor scene from Taxi Driver.
the milk, it talks to me, shhhh.......
I believe I just lactasmed at the thought
indier-than-thou haircut
oh man
@BK_KT: "You're soaking in it."
@Artful Slinger: like Britney?
For real. If ther is a place where I can sit for three hours without buying ANYTHING, that place rocks. Okay? Plus, when was the last crap job that gave YOU decent health insurance? Yeah, their coffee sucks. Get a cup of tea and stop bitching.