Princeton's new residential college, Whitman, has a new plan called "Thesis Buddies," IvyGate reports. Sounds innocent enough, but what does it mean? Hint: "This is going to devolve into hand jobs really quickly," writes a tipster. Unlike being a fraternity pledge, where the payoff is that you'll eventually get to join a fun frat house, being at a senior's beck and call as a "thesis buddy" seems to have no immediate payoff. Oh, well. Senseless, ritual abuse has always been a pastime of the ruling class. (Memo follows.)

Each participating Whitman senior will be assigned 2 underclassmen who will be "on call" during the final thesis push. If you are working away in your room and feel like you need a midnight snack all you have to do is contact your thesis buddy and he/she will bring you a hot dog and a red bull or whatever else you need to burn the midnight oil.

Obviously, the idea isn't to take advantage of your buddy, but to have him or her help out in a pinch. Other examples of acceptable duties include: taking care of a load of laundry, picking up/dropping off some library books, or proofreading a chapter for typos. Unacceptable duties would include: attending a class in your stead, cleaning your room, doing your homework, or getting your thesis bound... The program goes into effect 3 weeks before your thesis deadline and concludes after you turn it in.