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Tend to the wounds of your ill-advised weekend bear-wrestling adventures with the box office numbers:

1. Semi-Pro - $15.2 million
One of the last New Line independent releases before it becomes a barnacle on the passing Warner Bros. mothership, Semi-Pro offered a vivid demonstration of The Law of Diminishing Will Ferrell Returns: The comedian's latest foray into the world of bumbling, outlandishly becoiffed egomaniacs provided precisely 25% the enjoyment of the previous one about the figure skater, which in turn provided 25% of the enjoyment of the one about the NASCAR racer, which in turn provided 25% of the enjoyment of the one about the news anchor.

2. Vantage Point - $13 million
To celebrate Vantage Point clinging to the number two position in its second week in theaters, we invite you to partake in a hearty round of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon with any member of its large ensemble of stars.

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles - $8.752 million
[Slight spoiler] Spiderwick fun fact: Seth Rogen is the voice of Hogsqueal, a hobgoblin who, by spitting in your eye, can give you the ability to see all faeries without the aid of a seeing stone. His Oscar co-presenter Jonah Hill, meanwhile, is in talks to join the cast of the sequel The Spiderwick Monologues, doing something similarly bodily-fluid related. (Nothing involving menstrual blood, however. Breathe easy.)

4. The Other Boleyn Girl - $8.3 million
8. Penelope - $4.006 million
Studio publicists take heed: Taking your starlet leads' BFFship to the next level with some light lesbian kissing can potentially double your opening weekend take.

5. Jumper - $7.6 million
We now turn to star Hayden Christensen to explain in his own words what makes Jumper so bitchin'.