Supermodel Heidi Klum signed on to be the face (and ass) of Jordache last year. They needed the help; Jordache was really cool when I was in elementary school, and since then, not so much. The company has been pushing Klum's ads everywhere—today, there's a half page spot in the Post adjacent to Page Six. Which makes it all the more pressing to answer the question: What happened to her nipples? Jordache has chosen to offset the fact that Klum is doing topless ads by simply making her nipples disappear, which is eerie, bad for children's educations, and, frankly, un-American. Sports Illustrated does some photo magic for its swimsuit issue, but this is more blatant and disturbing. The offending ads are after the jump; please advise your kids that this is not natural.

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