Hipster or Homo? Seven Ways to Tell

Yesterday, a confused reader asked us how to tell the difference between a hipster and a gay: "hipsterdom has permanently destroyed my gaydar." You, the people, responded. We've compiled the lessons learned in a handy guide.

1. "Usually I go by the old standard: if he makes out with boys, he's gay. Sadly, the hipsters have ruined THAT theorum as well." -Colonel Mustard

2. "Gays generally stick to the clears when drinking such as vodka and gin. Straights prefer bourbon and whiskey. Single malt scotch though is the for both groups." -Regimentkhaki

3. "I'd go with the muscle tone thing. The pretty young gay-boys may want to look like waifs on the outside, but there's 30 hours a week at David Barton underneath those skinny jeans." -Lionel Mandrake

4. "Facial hair: mountain-man beard=straight, Olivier Theyskens face-pubes=gay. -beefer

5. "Hairstyle Asymmetricality: over 25%=gay." -beefer

6. "Eyebrows: Jello Biafra dramatic=straight, Liza Minnelli arches=gay." -beefer

7. "If they ride fixed gear than it is more than 90% likely that they are straight." -Frannyincognito

Whew. It's a jungle out there! See you all at Union Pool.

[Photo: Nikola Tamindzic for Home of the Vain]