You do realize, of course, that you've now given the hipster straights seven new ways to cast further ambiguity on their sexuality.

Simply lean in and have a whiff: Axe body spray with undertones of being 2 days past a shower = hipster. Bond #9 and Aveda hair product = gay.

I do not get number 7 at all. Please explain.

I still say its all about the shoes. I can't explain it, but you can tell straight shoes from gay shoes. I ALWAYS look at feet in NY.

@collegecallgirl: I brought one of my best straighties to Trumans for a pedicure, and they buffed his toenails. I thought they looked great but his wife kept pointing and laughing at him. Now I need new friends to go to the man-spa with.

Oh, and body odor. Hipsters don't shower; gays often do.

@collegecallgirl: Totally agree! The more Euro-looking the shoe, the more gay.

And, I'd like to take a moment and stress "more," 'cause when mentioning the sexuality of ANY hipster, let's be real.

speaking of confused, i finally have to ask (and maybe missed it yesterday:)
the one in the dress. male or female?

@BettyCrocker: Au contraire. My gay former roommate was a fan of the Axe. He smelled like he worked at a Skittles factory.

men wearing square-toed shoes? No further questions, your Honor.

Skinny jeans = gay
Embellished leather belts = gay
Muscle tone = gay
Caring about Shoes (any) = gay
Living in the City = questionable

Hipster = gay

@Kakapo: if they have a bike that you can't change gears on [e.g. a bmx] then they're probably straight. pretty simple.

Hipster or Twink: It's all a bad thing. The world is NOT a Bel-Ami playground.

@Steverino: That is effing hilarious!

@Kakapo: Bicycles. In Williamsburg, a lot of guys ride bicycles without gear shifts and sometimes without brakes. It used to be mostly bike messengers, now it's a lot of other mostly tall skinny dudes. You obviously don't live in Williamsburg. I don't think beach coasters count. Beach coasters might be sort of gay, unless the dude is with his girlfried on vacation.

Fuck I'm old.

If you can't tell, it doesn't matter. Go with gay.

My way of telling is if they live in Brooklyn, they're hipsters. If they live anywhere in Manhattan, they're gay.

This may not be the most reliable method, but really, outer boroughs scare me.

@collegecallgirl: I always look at feet in NY, too (girls only in my case). Sometimes I get strange looks. Any advise? I try to be subtle.

Well no matter what people are wearing, the most reliable way to judge sexuality is to look at how much he sways his shoulders when he walks vs how much his hips move.

Gender-atypical body motion. You can even judge this by looking at a still picture.

[psycnet.apa.org]

So I bet that even the most ambiguous looking straight hipster will still move like a straight guy.

What does it matter, unless you're trying to get your tongue down their throat?

If they're found in bed with Pete Wentz, they're gay.

You know what nobody pointed out is the fact that there is no more straight look or a gay look like in the past. Straight me care more about there look more than ever now and the lines have blurred. This is a big trend for the future, toward the singularity.

To me, I think it's confusing but great that things are so up in the air. It would be boring if everything was easily distinguishable.

@Crotty: Not to be stupid, but why are people riding bicyles without gears or (especially) brakes?

I went to grab a bottle of wine at Silver Lake Wine the other night and the place was lousy with hipsters hanging out at the wine bar. Straight hipsters love "Wine Tastings". Especially Pinot Noir.

# 2 made me LOL in its astuteness.

@zibby: I don't think that is a stupid question at all. I often wonder myself about why fixed-gear bikes seem to be ubiquitous among coolios. Fixed gear bikes come from track cycling on a velodrome. The sport used to be really popular in New York. There was an article about the current popularity of fixed gear bikes in New York magazine, I think. But I still don't really get why it would be appealing to ride such a bike.

For one thing, the handle bars are usually altered so that they don't have the drop down bars (which real track bikes do). So why is it ok to alter the handle bars but not the gearing? Presumably the handle bars are altered for comfort, but riding fixed gear bikes is really uncomfortalbe in itselft.

Anyway, this topic deserves its own post.

Thus far, we have totally forgotten about the hair whorl (or is it swhorl?), which is determinative. Also, the Jazz Hands Jizz Down is usually a giveaway.

@Reluctant Financier:
This is probably the most reliable method, but there are some caveats, so I'd go with neighborhood over borough. Some of the notable caveats are:
LES = Hipster; Cobble Hill/Park Slope (North Slope) = gay.

I like the fixed gear trend because it makes the possibility of them getting hit by a truck even higher as they traverse from the burg to buschwick.

@BettyCrocker: I LOL'd out loud!

This is why I only hit on boys at Sugarland & Metropolitan.

Gay bars FTW!

But, but, but... I'm a bearded, bourbon-drinking, unruly-eyebrowed, symmetrical-haired fag who hasn't seen the inside of a gym in years. Then again, while I'm often accused of being a hipster, nobody ever takes me for a gay. Sigh. Hey ladieeeees! (step off, I like the cock).

Common Sense says: You could just ASK the person you're trying to figure out.

@sharpeiboy: HEY! Don't ask, don't tell.

I thought Details magazine already exhausted this feature. What's next for Gawker: How to know when you're too old to wear high-tops?

@smartster: YES, PLEASE we need to post on this. Also why are most fixed-gear riders vegan?

#8. The gays know they are gay, but hipsters are unaware they are hipsters.

If I woke up one day and realized I went to bed with my skinny jeans still rolled up after riding my fixie home from the organic hair salon, I would have the decency to kill myself.

@BettyCrocker: Oooh ooh!! Can I send my Honey to go with you? I promise I won't point & laugh!!

@frannyincognito: That is especially weird to me because I know that in order to get a fixed-gear bike up to speed you need a lot of power at low cadence - i.e., you need muscles. And being vegan is not the best way to build muscles (unless you are a vegan steroid user).

However, many of the fixed gear bikes I see have pretty small gears. But then your max speed is a lot lower and you need a really high cadence to keep up the speed.

That's why like at the olympics the track riders are these beefy muscley types - and their gears are enormous. They also have incredible cadence, over 100 rpm at that gear size they get up to 40-50 miles an hour - but only for a few seconds.

That is why fixed gear bikes for riding around the city is so baffling too - you need to vary your speed constantly in the city.

@depardoo: Hey, stranger!!

@DorothyMantooth:

Hey there. I've been getting too stressed out at work. I need to get back here.

If they want people to think they're gay they're hipstors, if they want to do it with doods they're gaylords.

@sawzy: so twue. the hipsters really have no sense of humor about themselves. they're like the hasids. it doesn't matter to me anyway, because i don't like shrimpy boys in skinny jeans, except that i would be more inclined to be nice to a boy dressed like that if he were gay. team christian siriano!

@depardoo: Excellent idea, my friend!

I hear it's how they look at their fingernails. Palms out = gay, palms in=straight.

Bikes with fixed gears are harder to ride, therefore if you are riding one you are a hard-core bicyclist and thereby cool (in the bike community). Gears are for sissies.

Who cares? Unattractive, the whole lot of them. The real question is how can you tell a muscle queen is gay outside of Manhattan.

Yeah, if only teh gays would accept anyone who simply fails to be straight.

How about just watching them talk to a girl. If they look the girl in the eyes, probs gay, if you noticing them checking out her boobs, probs straight.

I am forced to become a commenter by the mention of fixed-gear bicycles. The trend is taken, of course, not from the velodrome, but from the messengers, the original source of urban cool. The benefits of a fixed gear are threefold -

1. terrifically low maintenance. Neither a derailleur nor a pair of brakes to keep in order (these days, the things that go wrong well before you flat a tyre.) Messengers (if they still exist as a professional class) make very little money, and fret about the least source of trouble. The "fixed" nature of the gear is what allows for you to dump the brakes: you stop in an emergency by hopping off the ground and jamming the pedals backwards, skidding to a stop.

2. "track stands". Since the pedals allow you to go backwards as well as forwards, you can balance a bicycle while remaining in the same spot (balance on a bicycle is achieved not by the gyroscopic action of the wheels, but rather by continuously steering the bicycle "under" yourself as you fall.) You have no need to dismount in traffic, and can track very well between cars without stop-and-start.

3. girls don't think you're gay.

I seem to remember the era of fixed-gear hipsterness happening rather in the manner of a phase transition - suddenly, they were everywhere. "Fixie" hipsterness spreads far beyond the cities; I was riding my bicycle in the wilds of Colorado and saw a lonely hispter girl, looking like she was ripped from the cover of Optic Nerve, trying to make it work in the mountains (not advised.)

Skinny Jean Pride: straights are slightly embarrassed for being too skinny and fitting in the jeans, and consequently they underplay the fad for what it is, a fad. It's definitely just a hipster if it looks like they have camel toe.

I don't think I've ever seen a gay in skinny jeans who wasn't turning their bulge volume up to 11.