We are deeply saddened to report that momager, pimp and our very own white Oprah, Ms. Dina Lohan, has signed with E! to film her long-lusted after reality show. According to the network's official press release, we shall be forced to view Dina's attempts to jumpstart the other ones' (Ali and Cody) careers in showbiz, and they'll tell you why the torturous Living Lohan is necessary:

"This is a family that knows how to roll with the punches and come out on top. Dina is an incredibly hard-working, passionate mom that I think our viewers will find both relatable and highly entertaining."

Frankly, we can't argue with the E! mouthpiece. However, we have our fingers crossed that Dina's show ends up nothing like the mind-fuck Michael Lohan reality show pitch that we have clipped for you.

If watching Mikey sending former Baywatch babes into the arms of perverts, traipsing around cities in a Tyra-like attempt to see what it feels like to be homeless, and beginning the video pitch while standing in front of a glamour shots cloud background is in any way a glimpse into Living Lohan, we may consider canceling our cable. And then scream into the nearest pillow.