How cute is this dog? You love animals, right? Then how come so many of you sickos flocked to look at that sick video of the Marines torturing that poor puppy? Thank God enough of you have your priorities straight—rich people are what makes us happy, especially young billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg. And sex: who doesn't want the price list for an evening of sensual pleasure? Ah, violence, money, sex — our work here is done. See you at Moose's, 4-8 p.m.

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