Blogging Clichés That Must Die

Yes, there was one in the headline! Good job. Clichés are so tempting to bloggers because we have so much great stuff to write and we want to get it out right away. And using words like "internets" makes us feel like part of a superior in-crowd, even if that's a crowd that includes Adam Sandler. Gawker banned the worst phrases over a year ago, but since then we've found much more. This time we're also adding good clichés, like "sad."

Bad Clichés

Internets
Also "interweb," "interwebs," "series of tubes," and anything other than the actual word "internet." "Internets" was a throwaway joke in October 2004 and was tired by November. What are you, smug just for being familiar with the Internet? Just call it what it's called.

LOLspeak
I can has a break? The whole point of LOLspeak was that it's how cats talk (no lips! they can't say "have"), not how you talk. The LOLcats fad doesn't justify this refried version of forumspeak. (Unless you are me.)

Rule/suck
Use your words! Avoid hyperbole like "must die"

Uh, yeah.
Oh wow! You were surprised/offended/mystified by something on the Internet! Thank you for the value add.

Hat tip
Just thank people and don't pretend you have a fedora.

Why does this matter?
Bad as a comment (whose blog is it anyway?) and bad as a teaser in a post introduction. A writer should explain why it matters in the intro.

Dear x
Open letters are for ten-thousand-dollar full-page newspaper ads by people who couldn't plant a story through PR.

I'm so drunk/high/hungover
Equivalent to frat guys who brag about how fast they drove last night, after drinking how many beers and making out with what grade, 1 to 10, of chick.

Good Clichés!
Sad
Best used in the Gawker post "Sad Feist Must Now Sing For You." Will never get old. Same with "stupid," as in "Michael Bloomberg didn't want to run for stupid President anyway."

BREAKING EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT X
Still funny! Though a bit insidery. Discuss!

Lots of italics
A crutch, but a necessary one until rhymed meter makes a comeback and we can emphasize certain phrases using iambic pentameter.