Newly pregnant Lisa Marie Presley is filing a lawsuit against our favorite celebrity body part attacking rag, The Daily Mail, after they reported their disapproval of just how much junk she's packing in her trunk these days. And while the Mail's use of "packing on the pounds" and "gained weight just like her father Elvis" isn't the nicest way to describe her, we've heard much worse over the years. From Val Kilmer ("Batman To Fatman!") to Kirstie Alley ("Too Fat For Sex!"), we rounded up some of the nastier cover stories and worst beach body analyses to put poor Lisa Marie's hormone-filled mind at ease.
June 2006: "Reese Witherspoon: She's Not Pregnant, It's Bloat!" Star Magazine
After Reese played the lawsuit game with Star for claiming she was pregnant, the magazine launched a counterattack with this doozy.
May 10, 2007:"Val Kilmer Goes From Batman To Fatman," The Daily Mail
Among the story's gems were, "where a six pack once rippled on Val Kilmer's chest, now stands what looks more like a rather large beer belly," and "there appeared to be a lot more to Kilmer than once met the eye." But the report does give Kilmer one reason not to just drift off into the waves and end it all then: "Despite his growing paunch, Kilmer appears to be working harder than ever." Yes, believe it or not, Kilmer's expanding waistline didn't prevent him from acting! Astonishing.
November 2004: "260-lb Kirstie: Too Fat For Sex!" Star Magazine
At her worst, Kirstie wasn't exactly adored by the weeklies, who happily decorated their covers week after week with the world's most unflattering photos and cover stories. But rather than suing them all, she used some of the more stellar headlines in her comeback vehicle Fat Actress.
July 2006: "Best and Worst Beach Bodies," National Enquirer
Demi Moore and Britney Spears were inducted into the "Cellulite Hall of Fame," and Michael Douglas and Chris Noth were accused of having frightful bellies. Poor Gerard Depardieu was even ragged on for wearing a thong on a European beach, where aging actors and healthy appetites are heartily welcome.
May 2007: "Best and Worst Beach Bodies," Star Magazine
The award for "Worst Saggy"? Uma Thurman! "Worst Secret Sagginess"? Kate Hudson! Last we checked, Uma and Kate were two of the most beautiful women in Hollywood, no? And poor Hulk Hogan won the title of "Worst Bikini," who "has gone wrong in so many ways," and whose neon beachwear "makes it touch to avoid noticing Hulk's uh, hogans."
[Photo Credits: Popbytes, Celebitchy, Daily Mail, Ms. Magazine]