Eliot Spitzer: Shanda fur die Goyim

And he could have been the first Jewish president! Eliot Spitzer, (still) governor of New York State, is weighing his resignation following his tryst with a shiksa prostitute. Though the idea of a Jewish president is great, let's be real: The guy was way too bald to ever make it into the Oval Office, regardless of his foreskin status. Some have blamed the Portnoy's Complaint instinct for this mess, but honestly, if this affair shows anything, it's that Jews are just like any other politicians, only occasionally more so.

Spitzer's education, propensity to argue and dedication to fitness all made him a nice Jewish boy. But he never conflated his moralist streak with his religion the way some Jewish politicians do (cough, cough Joe Lieberman). Instead, like Michael Bloomberg, also a member of the tribe, Spitzer was a crusader. As attorney general, he went after white collar criminals, as well as prostitution rings, and created a reputation as do-gooder fighting evil. (Bloomberg, less didactic, went after smokers and fatties.) And the public loves when anyone self-righteous, regardless of religion, takes a fall.

Prostitution affairs ensnare B-list political goys like Randall Tobias, Ken Calvert and Allan Howe all the time. Eliot Spitzer proves that Jews can violate the codes of marriages just as well as any other religion, and his fall from pious grace makes it more shocking (or entertaining, depending on the observer). But only a Jew would've thought to put a down payment for future services.