Eliot Spitzer is dead and buried. He just promised to never involve himself in public life again, everyone in America knows he's been fucking prostitutes for a decade, we forced our apology from him and now we just hope he'll go way so we can meet our awesome new blind governor. But some people, people who never liked that Spitzer character, are so thrilled about this turn of events that they've become utterly insufferable. Spitzer is a fucking idiot and moral failure. But honestly, some of you are a bit too excited.
- The New York Post They could own every place on this list, really. But most of their gleeful grave-dancing is too hilarious to be truly offensive. (With a couple exceptions—Missus Should Be Tested for Disease... really, guys?) But Post columnist and reliable crank Andrea Peyser really reaches some uncharted depths of misanthropy in her column, focusing on Spitzer's family, condescendingly bemoaning the effect of this scandal on poor Elyssa Spitzer, 18, and actually saying "she is far too young to make the kinds of moral and ethical compromises her long-suffering mother, Silda, evidently has chosen." But we are most impressed with the column's kicker: "For that, Eliot Spitzer should burn." Way to make the Daily News look sensible and laid-back, guys! [NYP]
- Peter King The Long Island congressman had perhaps the most obnoxious statement made by an elected official as the story broke: "I never try to take advantage or gloat over a personal tragedy. However, this is different. This is a guy who is so self-righteous, and so unforgiving." King would never gloat, you see, unless something really funny happened to Eliot Spitzer. [BW]
- The Wall Street Journal There was cheering on Wall Street when Spitzer went down. The stock market suddenly forgot about the coming recession. Journal opinion-writer took the opportunity to accuse Spitzer of somehow, vaguely, threatening his friend and neighbor Mike Bloomberg, plus a number of other shady doings, before concluding with impossible smugness: "But in the harsh reality of politics, for every selfless Lone Ranger who arrives on his trusty steed and does good, there are many more budding Napoleons who harshly impose their will — and fall prey to vices they pledged to root out." That's right, liberals. If anyone promises to clean up Wall Street, they are fucking whores.
- Wall Street in General, as embodied by Dealbreaker editor and dungeon-master John Carney. Carney's been so excited this week that he was probably asking attendees to pinch him (or worse) at tonight's official Dealbreaker grave-dancing happy hour. But Tuesday's "Spitzer hasn't resigned because he's shredding the evidence" post was bizarre. "Another security expert employed by a major Wall Street firm said the situation reminded him of Watergate, when Nixon administration officials considered destroying tapes that Congress had sought." Spitzer resigned 48 hours after this leaked to public, after everyone was already far too familiar with the evidence against him. Was he going to erase his hard drives and then use his mind-wiping technology on the FBI, Justice Department, and IRS?
- Honorable Mention: Lou Dobbs He hasn't said anything that bad yet. But he will.