Gawker
The Church of Scientology strikes back! Online. Having grown tired of being hounded on the internet by the anonymous cyber-protest group "Anonymous," Scientology not only filed an injunction in court (which failed), but also posted its own counterattack videos to YouTube. Under the account name "AnonymousFacts," the main video charges the group with "hate crimes" against Scientology—characterizing the group as terrorists. Scientology also made separate videos "exposing" several individual members of Anonymous. And someone submitted those videos to Digg, and even started Wikipedia entries attacking the Anonymous members. It's a significantly different—and more sophisticated—strategy for Scientology, which usually relies on secrecy, intimidation, and litigation to get its way, rather than trawling for internet influence. The four full videos are below: First is the main one, "Anonymous- Hate Crimes & Terrorism Directed At Scientology," followed by three separate videos aimed at exposing specific Anonymous members.
Comments
Scientology is serious business... oh! look at this cute kitten video
Does it count as a hate crime if nobody likes you in the first place?
Scientology should be treated the same as all churches.
As the Dalek's say: Exterminate!
Xenu's Browser is pretty sweet.
Ides of March, baby! Wish I could attend a protest but I have other plans...
Friggin' B-movie religion
Show me the money!!
-CO$
the COS is Risky Business
...type of alleged harassment the church has received: "8,139 harrassing [sic] or threatening phone calls, 3.6 million malicious emails, 141 million hits against church web sites.."
141 million hits and they're complaining!? Nick would be creaming in his jeans with those kinds of numbers, and so too would most other webmasters!
Al Quaeda promised me 72 virgins. What will the Church of Scientology offer? (And don't tell me Kirstie Alley.)
moar funny pictures
@BalknChain:
CO$ are just a few good men trying to overcome these days of thunder that are far and away nothing more than a minority's report criticizing something as trivial as the color of money.
suffice to say, they're still losin' it.
@famousauthor: Free stress tests.
@mitchel_stevens: but after a cocktail next to the river that runs through it, all the right moves will be made by hardy men
@BalknChain: stupid link by a stupid person..gimme that star you simple Jersey Shore whore! OMG, is that what the star is for? My star slut ranking?
@BalknChain:
i won't lie, i was a bit curious how to work cocktail in.
that and tropical thunder.
Tacky!
If Scientology were a person, it would be the HR manager with metabolic syndrome and a "Your Mother Doesn't Work Here" coffee mug who calls the cops when you accidentally drive to work drunk one morning.
@mitchel_stevens: If you can get Interview With a Vampire in there, I'll be impressed.
@BalknChain: One Diamond Hot?
I hate to expose, like, a fundamental flaw in Scientology doctrine and all. But assuming they have all these crazy, superpowered, time-and-space-manipulating OTVIIIs on staff, couldn't they just go back in time and prevent this Anonymous stuff from happening? Where is Tom Cruise, the self-proclaimed creator of "new and better realities?"
I'm beginning to see the cracks in my once ironclad faith in the teachings of LRH, and I don't like it one bit.
@Furious George: It'll be ok, you just need a thetan cleansing. Remember, it's just the thetans, it isn't really you talking this madness.@BettyCrocker: One star fug
This is just like Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots!
@mitchel_stevens: no kidding, how bout lions to lambs-awkward
@BalknChain: I'm tryin'. Tryin' really hard to keep the faith. Everytime I'm challenged by new discoveries I just smile, shrug them off, and tell myself, "KSW! KSW! It's just a test!" It's very difficult, though, because reality is a sadistic mistress. She's always testing me!
@Furious George:
you have no clue about the powers of tom cruise. some choice (and rather delicious) copypasta from the internet:
Tom Cruise is driving down the freeway in a black BMW. His
Sciento-sense starts to tingle as he sees a four car pile up just
ahead. He skids to a halt and leaps through the roof of his sedan,
flying high in the air and landing in the middle of the twisted
wreckage rippling asphalt beneath him. He is calm.
"Stand back, emergency workers," he announces. "Put down your
jaws-of-life and crowbars. I am a Scientologist."
A collective gasp is audible as the gathered crowd of firemen,
paramedics and onlookers collectively take three steps back.
"Give him room," a fireman says, "Let him do his work."
Tom Cruise makes his way through the wreckage to the first vehicle.
The smoke is thick and parching, but he can sense a woman,
mid-thirties, is still alive. He claps his hands together once then
parts them as if brushing back curtains. The smoke lifts. He is using
his mind to keep the woman's vitals stable. Her blood pressure and
heart rate are approaching normal. She is experiancing his mixture of
science and love. His Scientology.
He closes his eyes and takes two handfuls of the twisted metal
encasing the woman. Anne is her name. She isn't afraid. She is in the
most capable hands in the world. The hands of a Scientologist. The
hands of Tom Cruise. The car wrenches and shrieks as he cleaves the
metal husk in twain. As if cracking an egg he deposits Anne safely on
the ground, holding two halves of an automobile above his head. Tom
Cruise heaves the vehicle skyward and it disappears; a speck over the
horizon.
"How can I than..." Anne begins as a well manicured finger is pressed
to her lips.
"Your thanks isn't necessary. I'm a Scientologist. This is what we do."
OS X Leopard's Alex works for Anonymous?! It can't be!
I giess whoever dies with the most lawyers is the winner.
You know that injunction has already been denied right?
How is the weather in so last week?
I saw Tom Cruise do that same thing, but that time it was a child he rescued. He should really spend more time driving on the Freeway.
@FitnessMadeSimple: @BalknChain:
the one thing anonymous didn't count on was the force of the tropical thunder counterattack planned by CO$. the videos produced by the church were horrifying--as if they sat down for an interview with a vampire. no matter their classification, it felt as if the entire video was a new media nightmare; like that movie lions for lambs.
fuck! i was close. fuck. no one can accurately work that title in.
Injunctions? Restraining orders? St. Peter told the Romans "Yeah, go ahead, crucify me. Actually, you know what: Fuck you, crucify me upside down!" Not only is Scientology's mythology the only cliche that isn't actually a cliche but is so awful it comes off as a cliche, but, apparently, they're big, whiny pussies as well. I think they forgot to insert the power crystals.
@mitchel_stevens: good show
@Furious George: Keep the faith, brother. And you are pretty damn awesome, and just pretty. Groups like this Anonymous are NSFKSW!
@mitchel_stevens: Valiant effort. Well done.
this message will self destruct in
Anonymous has launched a counter-attack against these videos. I am seeing hundreds of millions of comments posted all over the internet.
@mitchel_stevens: "well manicured finger"=genius
@mitchel_stevens:
But why hasn't Super $cientologist, Tom Cruise rescued the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 yet?
Looks like they can only find folks if they live around Southern California. That's grand. I think they're doing one of those protests here in Austin tomorrow. I usually just giggle and walk on by that building on The Drag. Can't believe anyone on campus is actually dumb enough to go in there looking for real answers.
I'm just pissed at them because they bought out the arcade down there that would stay open until something like 3am and also a great little potato restaurant. I loved those places. Xenu must not like video games and baked potatoes.
@Greasy Thumb Guzik:
he has. he just decided to please the public by letting the story play out.
he also is the real owner of Linderman's Company, is the true god of the Cylons, cured House's leg and is responsible for letting bionic woman get the axe.
he is a merciful Scientologist.
According to a little known legend, Tom engaged in some risky business when he, and a few good men, sat down for an interview with Anne Coulter . . . er, a vampire. In the end, she declared her endless love for him, but he, alas, did not get "the firm" when thinking about her. Rebuked, she decided to live as one of the outsiders, lost and lonely, wearing only a white dress and carrying a single magnolia blossom.
It's probably just people trolling Anon, some of them would think it was pretty funny to do so, just makes the wrath against Co$ all the more virulent.
You just wait till the Goodship Longcat shows up ahead of the Marcab Confederacy. PEW! PEW!
@Rowen: Good use of The Firm.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Internet.
The Church of Scientology is a dangerous cult. Information is free. Threats and attempts at intimidation are nothing in the face of pure logic. This shit's hilarious and ridiculous.
"If you cannot find bad things someone did, make them up." - LRH
Ah yes, I'm sure that all those calls were from Anon and not crafted as tools by the COS in an attempt to generate sympathy.
Surely they wouldn't do anything illegal, especially not the higher-ups within the church. Because we've all seen how upstanding, logical, and classy the COS has stayed throughout the years, from Lisa McPherson to Operation Snow White.
Iraq may not have had weapons of mass destruction but the Church of Scientology does. The greatest act of terrorism launched against society as a whole was the release of Battlefield Earth in 2000. Our police forces should be sued if using the threat of a private screening of BE hosted by Tom Cruise in order to obtain a confession. Forcing prisoners of war to view the movie even once can be construed as a violation of rules against torture set by the Geneva Convention.
At least a bomb sniffing dog wouldn't have to change it's job title if it went from searching for explosives to copies of Battlefield Earth.