Richard, take a bow and go home. That can't be beat.

Mrs. Ed Temporarily Distracted From Upcoming Preakness

Sarah Jessica Parker loves her doll (above).

Sarah Jessica Parker love doll (below).

[defamer.com]

@scroll_lock: The best was in Ed Wood when she read a review of herself in the paper and asked, "Do I really have a horse face?"

"Do you like Matthew's new containment device? It shocks him every time he thinks about boys."

My Friend Flicka Wins The Derby

Gold Power

Richard, you thief.

The Incredible Shrinking Broderick

"Who the hell cares what it's for! What is it for?"

Alexis Arquette Happily Receives Lifetime Achievement Award From LGBTG Group.

that's just an oscar with a raised fist. Gold Power!

@rod: Anatomically Correct Incredible Shrinking Broderick.

"Look, Charlotte, My Own Rabbit"

Only Her Groomer Knows For Sure!

"Although I've won many awards in my life, I'm proudest by far of my victory on 'American Gladiators.' Suck it, Venom!"

SJP shows off her new "shocker" dildo. Batteries not included.

...and the doctor says "Why the long face."

Starlet Chooses Ever-Larger Accessories to Distract from Wart on Chin

Jennifer Aniston Demonstrates Her Fetal Ray Gun; Says She Will Have Brad's Baby, "One Way Or Another."

Sarah Jessica Parker Shows Off Rhythmic Gymnastics Trophy

Have you guys ever noticed that Sarah Jessica Parker resembles a horse?

"You Like It? I Call It 'Gulliver Stuck In Lilliput's Only Water Slide.'"

@FitnessMadeSimple: BWAH HA HAH!!!

SATC Star Now Conjuring Up Torture Scenes for Saw V.

Superman Statue Says, "Hey Lady, Can You Let Go Of My Legs? It's Bad Enough I've Been Dipped In GOLD!!!!!"

ShoWest Jumps Shark By Awarding Movie Star Before Movie Is Even Released

SATC Star Has the Midol Touch

Award-holder Fired First Day on Job for Failing to Hold Trophy Straight

Carrie Bradshaw prepares to enjoy a sip of her Stoly gold man-tini.

Sarah Jessica Parker wears only pearl necklace her husband has ever given her.

Photoshop Disasters, Unplugged

SJP Ensnares, Displays Small Golden Man Who Tried To Fist Her

I erroneously jump the gun, throwing a wet blanket on the proceedings, and you respond with some of the best SJP lines I've seen in months.

Good job, Gawker commenters!

Sarah Jessica Parker Given Honorary Kentucky Derby Medal

"I've Never Been So Happy to Have a Ken Doll Stuck In My Shock Absorbers!"

Cheap-Gay-Version-of-Oscar Statue Wanted The Black Actress To Win

My first successful open caption! I'm honored. I'd like to thank the Academy.

...the one that gives out Rhythmic Gymnastics trophies.

@FitnessMadeSimple: Ribbons on sticks to you!

Beer Goggle camera lens well worth the money.

Got Carried away.