Celebutard Refugees Set Adrift With Banning Of Corporate Beach Houses

Kicking back at a corporate summer rental has quickly become a rite of passage for the Hollywood scenewhore set, with Malibu hot spots like the Polaroid Beach House leaving the doors to their 24-hour party open to any celebutards and hanger-entourages who happen to pop by. In exchange, guests must agree to be photographed interacting with a wide variety of branded goods—from snack foods to gadgets to indestructible prophylactics—by the flock of seagull-displacing paparazzi lurking outside. Not surprisingly, neighbors quickly grew weary of the sound of Paris Hilton teetering on a deck table at 4 a.m. screaming, "Playboy Energy Drink and Doritos® Spicy Sweet Chili Chips are hot!" A Malibu city ordinance has now banned such further promotional whorehousing from reoccurring in the summer of '08:

"Imagine parties every night until 4 in the morning when you're trying to sleep just eight feet away in the house next door," said Councilman Andy Stern, who sponsored the new ordinance.
"These weren't just people having a good time; they were commercial enterprises in residential areas that would be operating 24/7 during the summer months." [...]

The new ordinance is expected to go into effect April 24, pending final approval.

Longtime locals are likely breathing a sigh of relief that they won't again have to run into some supporting player from The Hills, slapping them on the back at the Country Mart and telling them, "Yo—D-Gef! What is up, my man? You gotta swing by the 'Roid tonight. I'm spinning ambient skull-hop into the early morning hours and Linz is making her killer nachos. It'll be off da chains!" before skipping off to their Source-branded Hummer and peeling onto the PCH.

[Photo: WireImage]