lauren%20conrad.jpg The Hills reality mini-star Lauren Conrad is on the cover of US Weekly and the Wall Street Journal in the same week! (Which one do you think she is more excited about?) From the WSJ: "Lauren Conrad is famous for being on a reality show. But what she really wants is to run a merchandising empire." Literally: she's hired, like, a whole team of people to brand her. The problem, though? People don't take her seriously! (She goes on to hang herself in front of the reporter, asking somebody, "How do you spell 'beret'?") Then Kate White, editor of Cosmopolitan, explains why little LC will never be chosen for the cover of their magazine:

"Playing yourself on reality television isn't to our readers the level of accomplishment that you need to have on the cover of Cosmo." Dayyum. What level of accomplishment do you need to have?

A reality star's life might seem like a slapdash affair, marked by ups such as overpriced clothing lines and downs such as her exploits exposed on The Hills. In fact, in takes a whole team of people to do this kind of work, especially since MTV does not, as a rule, promote her non-Hills enterprises.

Since 2006, Ms. Conrad has signed up for deals with a toy company, a leather-goods maker and a cosmetics line. Ms. Conrad's team says it has refused a number of other offers, including a jewelry-licensing deal with a home shopping network. A department store offered to pay a six-figure fee to put her name on a clothing line but wouldn't give her any design input. "I wanted to have full creative power," she says.

To help her get her current clothing line, MTV approached Steve Friedman, the owner of Tangerine Promotions in suburban Chicago. The firm specializes in "tchotchkes, trinkets and trash" with company logos, he says, and MTV is one of his biggest clients. Although Tangerine has no experience in contemporary women's apparel, Mr. Friedman agreed to team up with MTV. The two companies share the financial risk.

Selling Lauren Conrad [WSJ]

12:27 PM on Fri Mar 21 2008
By Sheila
5,284 views
25 comments

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Toomanytomatoes at 12:35 PM on 03/21/08
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Does she have a sex video?
tribalpottery at 12:36 PM on 03/21/08
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Lauren Conrad's fashion talents parallel that of Paris Hilton's acting: non-existent.
FitnessMadeSimple at 12:36 PM on 03/21/08
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I don't think I will ever be able to spell Tchotchke without looking it up.
MadameDecline at 12:40 PM on 03/21/08
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I give it six months before she's shilling Diamonique belly button rings on QVC.
BeAgrestic at 12:41 PM on 03/21/08
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So wait, is she dissing her own mediocre clothing line now? Which she apparently had no role in designing?
BullfightsOnAcid at 12:41 PM on 03/21/08
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Lauren Conrad in the Wall Street Journal is the first sign of the Apocalypse straight out of Revelations:

"And the first horseman shall be a dim star from the city of the Lagoons who will appear in the fiduciary almanac of York."
ineffable.me at 12:42 PM on 03/21/08
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If Cosmo feels like you are beneath them, I say you are in trouble.
vulturesquadron at 12:45 PM on 03/21/08
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I reiterate: Hawking or modeling on QVC is possibly the most unbelievably cushy and awe inspiringly life affirming job possible.
AuntPeniston at 12:46 PM on 03/21/08
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Toys and leather goods? Does this mean LC is bringing the ancient Hellenic tradition of leather dildos into the 21st century?
City_Dater at 12:46 PM on 03/21/08
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I will now be lying awake at night for hours, wondering about the "level of accomplishment" that entitles a woman to appear dressed like a whore, airbrushed past all recognition, plastered on the cover of a magazine with an editorial voice that makes poor Britney Spears sound erudite.
Randall Tex Cobb at 12:46 PM on 03/21/08
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Considering what MTV pays, she should go straight to whoring. The pay is much better and unless she's servicing the governor, her neighbors won't know.
EleanorRigby at 12:47 PM on 03/21/08
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I thought the only "level of accomplishment" needed to be suitable for a Cosmo cover was the ability to stand with your legs slightly open looking slutty and somewhat uncomfortable with headlines like "69 new ways to keep your guy from straying, silda" next to your chest.
The Precautionary Whale at 12:47 PM on 03/21/08
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To say that Gawker has a major obsession with Lauren Conrad is a major understatement. I still think that Heidi Montag's line is going to pull ahead of Contrad's line. You can get Heidi ware at Daffy's! I have a store credit at Daffy's. I'm going at lunc.h.
LadlySack at 12:50 PM on 03/21/08
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@vulturesquadron: I only know of QVC through The Soup. You mean it's real with real people and such?
nowmedusa at 01:13 PM on 03/21/08
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I thought MTV's merchandising of their stable of reality "stars" consisted of rotating them in and out of Gauntlets and Infernos. (You know, the "trash" part of the "tchotchkes, trinkets and trash.")
digitalsmoothie at 01:19 PM on 03/21/08
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Note that the 'home shopping network' remains nameless. WSJ's editors have been around long enough to see a defamation lawsuit coming.
vulturesquadron at 01:22 PM on 03/21/08
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@LadlySack: Couldn't find anything more recent, but: "The Liberty Media subsidiary last year (2005) rang up $6.5 billion in sales and $921 million in operating profit, making it twice as profitable as Amazon. It's the second-biggest revenue-generating network in the U.S. after CBS."
ClockOnTheStove at 01:24 PM on 03/21/08
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@BullfightsOnAcid: Don't be so funny during the lunch hour, Asshole. I just spit out my cola. Can we keep it mediocre? Thanks.
Truculent at 01:27 PM on 03/21/08
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No one takes her seriously. I can't imagine how that can be. I mean, look at all she's accomplished. There's ... well, and of course she...well, a lot of people know who she is. You know, like Sponge Bob?
digitalsmoothie at 01:32 PM on 03/21/08
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LC is no SpongeBob. *waggles index finger prohibitively*
lawyergay at 01:44 PM on 03/21/08
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Please stop with "The Hills." Depressing. Boring. Sad.
roodles at 01:53 PM on 03/21/08
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"Playing yourself on reality television isn't to our readers the level of accomplishment that you need to have on the cover of Cosmo."

Totes! you have to be a great actress like Jessica Alba or someone of substance and integrity like La Lohan or someone that no one has cared about for a long, long time a la Julia Stiles.

[www.flickr.com]
[gofugyourself.typepad.com]
dandles at 01:54 PM on 03/21/08
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Lauren Conrad deserves a lot of respect for two big accomplishments. One, she is taking her 15 minutes WAY beyond any level we could have thought her capable of. Secondly, she recognizes her own mediocre talents, and has not tried to go into acting or singing, like Kristen Cavalier or Heidi Montage ... whatever those sluts names are.

I would also give her a few extra credit points for not getting plumped up collagen lips. They always look bad.
Phyllis Nefler at 02:01 PM on 03/21/08
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"Tchotchkes, trinkets, and trash" is totally the "hookers, victims, and doormats" of the reality TV generation.
Truculent at 02:41 PM on 03/21/08
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@digitalsmoothie: True. I empathize with Bob in his daily struggle to make the perfect Crabby Patty. The same can't be said of LC