I'm currently being compensated with shares of Bear Stearns stock for commenting here.

And a million j-schoolers collectively shudder...

You got paid for this?

Too easy.

This is my replacement for both human intimacy and accurate reporting.

@CrankYank: Hardee Har.

What's going on over at the AP? They lettin' that new fancy-pants entertainment bureau assign general news stories now?

"...that works out to an annualized $80,000 apiece, on average. Which is really not at all bad for the kind of people Gawker hires, who are often talented but unproven twentysomethings."

I don't know what to say about this except... Aaaaaaaaaaaugh!!!!

Oh, and, Richard, could you lend me ten bucks?

@VirusWithShoes: ~80 views. Not yet. You, on the other hand, should be rolling in haggis. Or whatever your currency is.

My new online writing model:

"Major advertiser blurb carefully weaved into copy."

Dear Major Advertiser,

Please see [insert link to blurb]. My flat rate is $25/blurb.

Please remit payment to [my email address] and thanks in advance for your immediate cooperation.

Kind regards,
Ultra-low-cost guerilla advertiser guy

A “zero-sum game” in which LOLCait takes all? This is a publishing model I can approve!

And my husband asked, "If you're online all day, why aren't you getting paid?"

Boy, is he naive. To get paid, I'd need to take off my sweats. And have sex with someone.

I have a confession to make.

I donated my body to the Commenter Tech Research Lab (CTRL). Basically, there are electrodes attached to me recording how my brain functions every time I finish reading a post.
The Scientists are paying me about $50 for each comment so forgive me if I comment frequently, just trying to pay the bills.

Paging Nick Douglas. Nick Douglas, you're wanted at the white courtesy post. Paging Nick Douglas.

I wonder how much cash Brooklyn Vegan is pulling in.

@miss_msry: To be fair, you'd really only have to pull those sweats down a little bit.

@riskybusiness: Let’s not be picky! Let her take off the V-neck, if it’s easier!

wow. maybe you can buy borders.

@Cheap Shot: Sure Denton's not just paying to mildly electrocute you every once in a while?