Gawker
Sex: it's one of the most popular activities to do when naked. People just seem to like it. If the TV is any indication, everyone really wants to have sex all the time. According to top scientists, if we don't have sex, our entire civilization could collapse! So CBS gives you their top ten reasons to have sex tonight. Don't wait until tomorrow. Sex must be had tonight! After the jump, ten of the worst pick-up lines ever.
1. Sex Relieves Stress 2. Sex Boosts Immunity 3. Sex Burns Calories 4. Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health 5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem 6. Sex Improves Intimacy 7. Sex Reduces Pain 8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk 9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles 10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better
You know, I wasn't planning on having sex tonight, but my Pelvic Floor Muscles are out of shape. Excuse me while I make some calls.
Comments
11. Sex makes babies
Not to mention--you get pregnant! Yay!!!!!!!!
@Cheap Shot: oh hi. same thing we wrote.
Call me anytime, Rebecca.
Those two are SO vain.
I'm still bitter about David Paterson getting laid more than me.
BTW, this list works the same if you replace 'sex' with 'masturbation'.
Where's "Drunk and lonely" on that list? I demand a re-vote.
12. stds are cool
#11. Sex pays the bills.
2. Sex Boosts Immunity
I feel a cold coming on too.
Great, I wish I waited one more day before breaking up with my boyfriend.
:(
@surfbeavernsb:
she looks like barack obama smoking a cigarette. she's mine.
@Cheap Shot: Not for the baby making part I'm hoping. Add that to the risk of going blind and I'm really starting to worry.
@roodles: Also destroys immunity, if you have sex with a HIV.
5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem
Until you get married.
13. CBS said.
another good reason is all that left over easter chocolate can be melted down and used on each other yum
@Cheap Shot: Ironicly, masturbation does increase self esteam. You're just having sex with your favorite person.
Now if you're self loathing...
Sex gives your neighbors something to snicker about when they meet you at the mailbox. So keep it down.
@FitnessMadeSimple: At 120 nanometers, that's gonna be a feat.
@nonethewiser: I'm, also loooking for "getting back at your goddamn ex (that'll show her)."
14. It was good enough for your parents.
Sex and washing the dishes are the only times that my girlfriend and i listen to music together. Maybe i'll download the MGMT record and get down to bidness tonite...
11. Better than sleeping on the street again.
@nonethewiser: oops, yeah I meant the list not my retarded #11
@Wormfather: I actually lash myself immediately after a self induced climax mumbling "I hate you, idiot! loser, etc."
Worst reasons to have sex. These people did; why can't you?
1. JFP (worst person in the world)
2. Dov Charney
3. Spitzer
4. McGreevey
@jackvinyl: Watch out for dishpan handjobs.
15. Randomly having sex with an acquaintance who never calls you again gives you something to agonize over for the entire month! Fun!
CBS is for old people and the thought of old people having sex is just gross.
16. What else are you going to do? Watch "The Hills?"
16. Brings you closer to your kids.
Thanks CBS, for totally reminding me that I will not be getting laid tonight or any night in the foreseeable future.
Assholes.
18. I have a boner.
Recently, while having some drinks with friends I was approached with this memorable pick-up line:
"So, are you into the whole picking-people-up-at-bars scene?"
Guys, you gotta try a little harder than that. Despite what you've heard about me.
7. Sex Reduces Pain
Hello??? I like the "pain" that goes along with sex.
Do Pelvic Floor Muscles have anything to do with having sex on the floor? Cuz that is so overrated...my goddamn back kills me after having sex on the floor. Give me a nice comfortable bed ANY day.
CBS. don't fuck with the master.
+ Watch video
@moff: 19. Gives your little sister a break.
I HATE YOU, MOFF!
25. We're too mad to talk.
Is this the anti-abstinence pamphlet they're going to start handing out to high-school kids as soon as the Democrats get back in office?
Seriously... Seriously?
I don't want to dis my peeps out there who don't have this as an option at the moment, but do people really need to get some other benefit/excuse to compel them to get it on?
You let me know if you need me to learn ya some... Show you how it's done. ;)
@mathnet: This is because I keep forgetting to get back to you about Scrabulous, isn't it? I'VE BEEN REALLY BUSY. Or is it because of when Mom and Dad would go out of town and I'd make you play the Patrick Bateman game with me?
11. Vibrator out of batteries
12. Always wanted to join the Herpes Club
13. You jut happen to be leaving the party at the same time so why not
14. Money
15. Love
20). Sex distracts you from the coming attractions on The Hills.
Apropos, sort of, this thread, have you seen this?
[www.news.com]
I was just thinking that, until recently I didn't think it was possible to have really bad sex. Then I met a few girls and went home with them. They bit me, scratched my back, stuck their fingers in my mouth, let me put it in "half way", etc etc. This is completely new territory for me: people who suck at sex. Fucking rhinos have better sex than I have been having.
Thank you Gawker for giving me a reason to go out and find GOOD SEX!
62. Hate self
63. Hate parents
64. Need to pass chemistry
@Toomanytomatoes: You know, Tomatoes, if it keeps happening...
Don't forget that regular sex could have prevented 9/11 by reducing the appeal of those 72 virgins.
65. Tomorrow is laundry day, so what's a few extra sheets?
@famousauthor: Do it for the terrorists!!
65. provides excuse to drink.
@Toomanytomatoes: Actually the "Half way" one sounds fun!
@mitchel_stevens: And to smoke!
@Cheap Shot: The question is, "Halfway in where?"